34 quotes
"Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age — as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight."
- Phyllis Diller
Love
"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then, I want to move in with them."
- Phyllis Diller
Love
"What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day."
- Phyllis Diller
Balance
"What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day."
- Phyllis Diller
Happiness
"If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough."
- Phyllis Diller
Happiness
"My cooking was so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor."
- Phyllis Diller
Happiness
"A smile is a curve that sets things straight."
- Phyllis Diller
Happiness
"“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.”"
- Phyllis Diller
Happiness
"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
- Phyllis Diller
Relationships
"If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door, greet him with, “Who could have done this? We have no enemies.”"
- Phyllis Diller
Motivation
"I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do."
- Phyllis Diller
Adversity
""I've buried a lot of my laundry in the back yard.""
- Phyllis Diller
Adversity
"I’m at an age where my back goes out more than I do."
- Phyllis Diller
Adversity
"I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then, I want to move in with them."
- Phyllis Diller
Aspirations
""I’m tired of retirement jokes. I retired my hearing aid, my teeth, and the mortgage. The only thing left is my breath.""
- Phyllis Diller
Aspirations
""I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do." ―Phyllis Diller"
- Phyllis Diller
Positivity
"Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out."
- Phyllis Diller
Change
"I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do."
- Phyllis Diller
Health
"Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing."
- Phyllis Diller
Persistence
"A smile is a curve that sets everything straight."
- Phyllis Diller
Optimism
"Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered."
- Phyllis Diller
Reflection
""Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.""
- Phyllis Diller
Reflection
"A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once."
- Phyllis Diller
Learning from Mistakes
"Like shoveling the sidewalk before the snow stops falling, housework should be done while preschools are still growing up."
- Phyllis Diller
Time Management
"Housework can't kill you, but why take the chance?"
- Phyllis Diller
Contentment
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home."
- Phyllis Diller
Family
"I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them."
- Phyllis Diller
Family
"Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing."
- Phyllis Diller
Family
"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them."
- Phyllis Diller
Family
""I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.""
- Phyllis Diller
Family
"I want my children to have all the things I couldn6t afford. Then I want to move in with them."
- Phyllis Diller
Family
""If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.""
- Phyllis Diller
Joy
""Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.""
- Phyllis Diller
Philosophy
"Housework can’t kill you but why take a chance."
- Phyllis Diller
Bravery