George Burns

"Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there."

- George Burns

"Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there."

- George Burns

"Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth."

- George Burns

""Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.""

- George Burns

""I can’t afford to die; I’d lose too much money.""

- George Burns

"The most important thing about acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made."

- George Burns

"Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed."

- George Burns

""Don’t stay in bed unless you can make money in bed.""

- George Burns

"I’d rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate."

- George Burns

""It is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.""

- George Burns

"I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate."

- George Burns

"I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don’t have to respect anybody."

- George Burns

"Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples."

- George Burns

"You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there."

- George Burns

"You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old."

- George Burns

"You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there."

- George Burns

"I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age, I’m very pleased to be anywhere."

- George Burns

"Don’t stay in bed unless you can make money in bed."

- George Burns

""Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five, I still had pimples!""

- George Burns

""If it’s a good script I’ll do it. And if it’s a bad script, and they pay me enough, I’ll do it.""

- George Burns

""I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don’t have to respect anybody." ―George Burns"

- George Burns

"If you ask, ‘What is the single most important key to longevity?’ I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress, and tension."

- George Burns

"If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it."

- George Burns

"If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it."

- George Burns

"It is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate."

- George Burns

"Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed."

- George Burns

"By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it."

- George Burns

"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."

- George Burns

"Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city."

- George Burns

"I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere."

- George Burns

"Nice to be here? At my age, it’s nice to be anywhere."

- George Burns

""I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it—at my age, I’m very pleased to be anywhere.""

- George Burns

"I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody."

- George Burns

"I look to the future because that is where I’m going to spend the rest of my life."

- George Burns

"I look to the future because that is where I'm going to spend the rest of my life."

- George Burns

"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down."

- George Burns

"When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick."

- George Burns

"At my age, flowers scare me."

- George Burns

"If it’s a good script I’ll do it. And if it’s a bad script, and they pay me enough, I’ll do it."

- George Burns