"Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there."

- George Burns

"Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth."

- George Burns

""Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.""

- George Burns

""I can’t afford to die; I’d lose too much money.""

- George Burns

"The most important thing about acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made."

- George Burns