Rita Rudner

"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."

- Rita Rudner

"I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."

- Rita Rudner

"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry."

- Rita Rudner

"I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."

- Rita Rudner

"Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, 'Never take candy from strangers.' And then they dressed me up and said, 'Go beg for it.' I didn't know what to do! I'd knock on people's doors and go, 'Trick or treat.' 'No thank you.'"

- Rita Rudner

"I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying."

- Rita Rudner

"I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."

- Rita Rudner

"you want to annoy for the rest of your life."

- Rita Rudner

""I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.""

- Rita Rudner

"I always clean before the cleaning lady comes. If not, when I come home, I can’t find anything."

- Rita Rudner

"I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups."

- Rita Rudner

"I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours."

- Rita Rudner

"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet."

- Rita Rudner

"Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them."

- Rita Rudner