Johnny Carson

"In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy."

- Johnny Carson

"Mail your packages early, so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas."

- Johnny Carson

"Never continue in a job you don’t enjoy. If you’re happy in what you’re doing, you’ll like yourself, you’ll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined."

- Johnny Carson

"Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined."

- Johnny Carson

"Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat the rare steak."

- Johnny Carson

"Talent alone won’t make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready."

- Johnny Carson

"I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself."

- Johnny Carson

"Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too much."

- Johnny Carson

"The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world and people keep sending it to each other."

- Johnny Carson

"Don’t go to restaurants that have waterfalls if you have a kidney condition."

- Johnny Carson

""For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.""

- Johnny Carson

"Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas."

- Johnny Carson