Joan Rivers

"I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive. Things are happening."

- Joan Rivers

"People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made."

- Joan Rivers

"Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise, we’re going down the tube."

- Joan Rivers

"People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured, if you have enough money, you can have a key made."

- Joan Rivers

"I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive."

- Joan Rivers

"I told my sister how much I loved her every day. That’s the only reason she tolerated me."

- Joan Rivers

"I wish I could tell you it gets better. But it doesn’t get better. You get better."

- Joan Rivers

"I wish I could tell you it gets better, but it doesn’t get better. You get better."

- Joan Rivers

""Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise, we’re going down the tube.""

- Joan Rivers

"I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes, and six months later, you have to start all over again."

- Joan Rivers

""I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.""

- Joan Rivers

"People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made."

- Joan Rivers

"You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police."

- Joan Rivers

"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty."

- Joan Rivers

"When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off."

- Joan Rivers

"You know you've reached middle age when you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of by the police."

- Joan Rivers

""Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." ―Joan Rivers"

- Joan Rivers

""When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off." ―Joan Rivers"

- Joan Rivers

"If God wanted us to bend over he would put diamonds on the floor."

- Joan Rivers

""Half of all marriages end in divorce—and then there are the really unhappy ones.""

- Joan Rivers

"Half of all marriages end in divorce—and then there are the really unhappy ones."

- Joan Rivers

"I was smart enough to go through any door that opened."

- Joan Rivers

"I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again."

- Joan Rivers

"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it."

- Joan Rivers

"Looking 50 is great—if you’re 60."

- Joan Rivers