The Ultimate Collection of Funniest Inspirational Quotes to Brighten Your Day

"I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong."

- Benjamin Franklin

"Nothing is impossible, the word itself says "I'm possible!""

- Audrey Hepburn

"The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me."

- Ayn Rand

"You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it."

- Robin Williams

"If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito."

- Dalai Lama

"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realise I should have been more specific."

- Lily Tomlin

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work."

- Thomas Edison

"Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it."

- Dwight D. Eisenhower

"Optimist: someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it’s more like a cha-cha."

- Robert Brault

"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."

- Ron White

"Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition."

- Marilyn Monroe

"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade, and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."

- Ron White

"If you’re going through hell, keep going."

- Winston Churchill

"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces."

- Will Rogers

"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."

- Vince Lombardi

"By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day."

- Robert Frost

"The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time."

- Joe Girard

"People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily."

- Zig Ziglar

"Change is not a four letter word… but often your reaction to it is!"

- Jeffrey Gitomer

"You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great."

- Zig Ziglar

"Well-behaved women seldom make history."

- Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

"People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day."

- Winnie the Pooh

"It ain’t over til it’s over."

- Yogi Berra

"My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already."

- Dave Barry

"Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia."

- Charles Schulz

"I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love."

- Jim Carrey

"A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it’s the only weapon we have."

- Roger Rabbit, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

"To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone."

- Reba McEntire

"Your most important work is always ahead of you, never behind you."

- Stephen Covey

"There’s power in looking silly and not caring that you do."

- Amy Poehler

"Don’t be so humble — you are not that great."

- Golda Meir

"I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."

- Rita Rudner

"Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work."

- Robert Orben

"Just keep swimming."

- Finding Nemo

"The best revenge is massive success."

- Frank Sinatra

"Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are."

- Will Ferrell

"The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs... one step at a time."

- Joe Girard

"If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping in a room with a mosquito."

- Dalai Lama

"My mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get."

- Forrest Gump

"When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye."

- Cathy Guisewite

"I’m not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"

- Chandler Bing

"Hustle until your haters ask if you’re hiring."

- Steve Maraboli

"Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow anyone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then, by all means, follow that path."

- Ellen DeGeneres

"Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes."

- Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

"Live each day like it's your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night."

- Jason Love

"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."

- Dolly Parton

"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it."

- Terry Pratchett

"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."

- Elbert Hubbard

"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age."

- Lucille Ball

"People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily."

- Zig Ziglar

"I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying."

- Oscar Wilde

"To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone."

- Reba McEntire

"When life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade and then try to find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."

- Ron White

"You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?"

- Steven Wright

"Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer."

- Ellen DeGeneres

"If you can’t be kind, at least be vague."

- Judith Martin

"There are few things in life harder to find and more important to keep than love. Well, love and a birth certificate."

- Barack Obama

"I learned a long time ago that worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere."

- Van Wilder, National Lampoon’s van Wilder

"Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning."

- H. Jackson Brown Jr.

"Who won in life? Me. Because I got to marry you."

- Chip Gaines

"I don't want to hear about the endless struggles to keep sex exciting or the work it takes to plan a date night. I want to hear that you guys watch every episode of The Bachelorette together in secret shame or that one got the other hooked on Breaking Bad, and if either watches it without the other, they're dead meat."

- Mindy Kaling

"If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer."

- Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

"Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well."

- Mark Twain

"There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about."

- Oscar Wilde

"Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese."

- Billie Burke

"Today is a good day to try."

- The Hunchback of Notre Dame

"It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong."

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

"I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with ’em later."

- Mitch Hedberg

"The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one."

- Oscar Wilde

"Whoever said that money can’t buy happiness, simply didn’t know where to go shopping."

- Bo Derek

"I’ll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that’s probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess."

- Cassandra Duffy

"You grow up the day you have your first real laugh — at yourself."

- Ethel Barrymore

"The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept."

- George Carlin

"I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms"

- Michael Scott

"A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory."

- Mark Twain

"Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings."

- Robert Bloch

"Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood."

- Bill Murray

"I’m in shape. Round is a shape."

- George Carlin

"Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path."

- Ellen DeGeneres

"If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough."

- Phyllis Diller

"I am an early bird and a night owl... so I am wise and I have worms."

- Michael Scott

"The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits."

- Albert Einstein

"Minds are like parachutes. They only function when open."

- Frank Zappa

"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."

- Lily Tomlin

"Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway."

- Robert Downey Jr.

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes."

- Jack Handey

"You will find the key to success under the alarm clock."

- Benjamin Franklin

"You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club."

- Jack London

"Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it."

- Tom Lehrer

"People waste their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I just drink whatever’s in the glass."

- Sophia Petrillo

"True friends are those who really know you but love you anyway."

- Edna Buchanan

"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough."

- Mae West

"Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well."

- Mark Twain

"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them."

- Phyllis Diller

"When I was growing up, I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific."

- Lily Tomlin

"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt."

- Charles M. Schulz

"Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow."

- Don Herold

"My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look."

- Halley Reed

"I’m not crazy — I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 40 years."

- Ouiser Boudreaux

"Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery."

- Erma Bombeck

"We have a couple of rules in our relationship. The first rule is that I make her feel like she’s getting everything. The second rule is that I actually do let her have her way in everything. And, so far, it’s working."

- Justin Timberlake

"Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener."

- Pauline Thomason

"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home."

- Phyllis Diller

"I have noticed that even people who claim everything is predetermined and that we can do nothing to change it look before they cross the road."

- Stephen Hawking

"We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public."

- Bryan White

"Even a stopped clock is right twice every day."

- Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you will be happy. If you get a bad one, you will be a philosopher."

- Socrates

"Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That’s one of my mottos."

- Stanley Hudson

"People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys."

- Mike Bechtle

"People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board."

- Betty White

"Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’"

- Steven Wright

"When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?'"

- Sydney J. Harris

"I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book."

- Groucho Marx

"If you think your boss is stupid, remember: You wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter."

- John Gotti

"If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck."

- Elvis Presley

"Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back."

- Oscar Wilde

"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."

- Oscar Wilde

"If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball."

- Dodgeball

"A peacock that rests on his tail feathers is just another turkey."

- Dolly Parton

"My mother always used to say, ‘The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.’"

- Rose Nylund

"Just ’cause some cute girl likes the same bizarro crap you do, that doesn’t make her your soulmate."

- 500 Days of Summer

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."

- Drew Carey

"Life is hard. After all, it kills you."

- Katharine Hepburn

"A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain."

- Graham Norton

"Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do."

- Isaac Asimov

"My favorite thing to do on this planet is to play games. And if you don’t enjoy games, then you’re really missing the point of what this life is."

- RuPaul

"My wife didn't take my name, which isn't weird, but what's weird is when people think it's weird, like we're on a first-name basis anyway."

- Mark Agee

"Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger."

- Franklin P. Jones

"If you let your head get too big, it'll break your neck."

- Elvis Presley

"Trying is the first step toward failure."

- Homer Simpson

"The doctors may be mapping out the war games, but it is the nurses who make the conflict bearable."

- Jodi Picoult

"Bound by paperwork, short on hands, sleep, and energy…nurses are rarely short on caring."

- Sharon Hudacek

"Whether a person is a male or female, a nurse is a nurse."

- Gary Veale, RN

"We often think of nursing as giving meds on time, checking an X-ray to see if the doctor needs to be called, or taking an admission at 2:00 a.m. with a smile on our faces. Too often, we forget all the other things that make our job what it truly is — caring and having a desire to make a difference."

- Erin Pettengill, RN

"Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon."

- Dag Hammarskjold

"It would not be possible to praise nurses too highly."

- Stephen Ambrose

"Caring is the essence of nursing."

- Jean Watson

"America’s nurses are the beating heart of our medical system."

- Barack Obama

"Nurses are there when the last breath is taken, and nurses are there when the first breath is taken. Although it is more enjoyable to celebrate the birth, it is just as important to comfort in death."

- Christine Bell

"Every nurse was drawn to nursing because of a desire to care, to serve, or to help."

- Christina Feist-Heilmeier, RN

"The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest."

- William Osler

"Nursing is one of the fine arts: I had almost said ‘the finest of fine arts.’"

- Florence Nightingale

"You treat a disease: you win, you lose. You treat a person, I guarantee you win—no matter the outcome."

- Robin Williams in Patch Adams

"Our job as nurses is to cushion the sorrow and celebrate the job, every day, while we are ‘just doing our jobs.’"

- Christine Belle

"Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier."

- Mother Teresa

"To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."

- Mahatma Gandhi

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle."

- Plato

"Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and, above all, confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this something, at whatever cost, must be attained."

- Marie Curie

"Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts."

- Charles Dickens

"As a nurse we have the opportunity to heal the mind, soul, heart, and body of our patients. They may forget your name, but they will never forget how you made them feel."

- Maya Angelou

"A nurse will always give us hope, an angel with a stethoscope."

- Carrie Latet

"Happiness … consists of giving, and in serving others."

- Henry Drummond

"The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away."

- Pablo Picasso

"The character of the nurse is as important as the knowledge she possesses."

- Carolyn Jarvis

"The suspense is terrible. I hope it’ll last."

- Willy Wonka

"Keep calm and carry a wand."

- A.W. Jantha

"I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet."

- Carrie Bradshaw

"To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I’ve known sheep that could outwit you. I’ve worn dresses with higher IQs."

- Wanda

"You’re not even old enough to know how bad life gets."

- The Virgin Suicides

"Well, nobody’s perfect."

- Some Like It Hot

"There is no such thing as fun for the whole family."

- Jerry Seinfeld

"Instant gratification takes too long."

- Carrie Fisher

"When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them."

- Rodney Dangerfield

"I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it."

- Mae West

"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese."

- Luis Buñuel

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."

- Steve Martin

"To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems."

- Homer Simpson

"Bad decisions make good stories."

- Ellis Vidler

"Nurses are the heart of healthcare."

- Donna Wilk Cardillo, MA, RN, CSP

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."

- Leo Buscaglia

"You treat a disease, you win, you lose. You treat a person, I’ll guarantee you’ll win."

- Patch Adams

"A nurse is compassion in scrubs."

- Lexie Saige

"Success is not final. Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts."

- Winston Churchill

"The nurse is temporarily the consciousness of the unconscious, the love of life of the suicidal, the leg of the amputee, the eyes of the newly blind, a means of locomotion for the newborn, knowledge and confidence for the young mother, a voice for those too weak to speak, and so on."

- Virginia Henderson, RN

"To do what nobody else will do, in a way that nobody else can do, in spite of all we go through…that is what it is to be a nurse."

- Rawsi Williams, RN

"A caress, a smile, is full of meaning for one who is sick. It is a simple gesture, but encouraging, he or she feels accompanied, feels closer to being healed, feels like a person, not a number."

- Pope Francis

"Nurses are always there, you care for us from the earliest years. You look after us in our happiest and saddest times. And for many, you look after us and our families at the end of our lives. Your dedication and professionalism are awe-inspiring."

- Duchess Kate Middleton

"Fill your mind with truth. Fill your heart with love. Fill your life with service."

- Vaughn J. Featherstone

"Your profession is not what brings home your paycheck. Your profession is what you were put on Earth to do with such passion and such intensity that it becomes spiritual in calling."

- Vincent van Gogh

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose."

- Dr. Seuss

"Success comes to those who are too busy to look for it."

- Henry David Thoreau

"Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. The only way to do great work is to love what you do."

- Steve Jobs

"We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated."

- Maya Angelou

"How very little can be done under the spirit of fear."

- Florence Nightingale

"So never lose an opportunity of urging a practical beginning, however small, for it is wonderful how often in such matters the mustard-seed germinates and roots itself."

- Florence Nightingale

"I think one’s feelings waste themselves in words; they ought all to be distilled into actions which bring results."

- Florence Nightingale

"Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings."

- Salvador Dali

"Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny."

- Mahatma Ghandi

"I attribute my success to this; I never gave nor took any excuse."

- Florence Nightingale

"It is not how much you do, but how much love you put in the doing."

- Mother Teresa

"Work for a cause, not for applause. Live life to express, not to impress. Don’t strive to make your presence noticed, just make your presence felt."

- Grace Lichtenstein

"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life."

- Confucius

"If you wait to do everything until you’re sure it’s right, you’ll probably never do much of anything."

- Win Borden

"Confidence is not ‘they will like me,’ confidence is “I’ll be fine if they don’t. Successful people have fear, successful people have doubts, and successful people have worries. They just don’t let these feelings stop them."

- T. Harv Eker

"Let us never consider ourselves finished nurses….we must be learning all of our lives."

- Florence Nightingale

"Nursing is an art: and if it is to be made an art, it requires an exclusive devotion as hard a preparation as any painter’s or sculptor’s work."

- Florence Nightingale

"The very first requirement in a hospital is that it should do the sick no harm."

- Florence Nightingale

"Develop a passion for learning. If you do, you will never cease to grow."

- Anthony J. D'Angelo

"I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy, I’m telling you it’s going to be worth it."

- Art Williams

"Nothing will work unless you do."

- Maya Angelou

"I never dreamed about success—I worked for it."

- Estée Lauder

"Hardships often prepare people for an extraordinary destiny."

- C.S. Lewis

"To do what nobody else will do, in a way that nobody else can do, in spite of all we go through, is to be a nurse."

- Rawsi Williams, JD, BSN, RN, PhD

"Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway."

- Earl Nightingale

"Although your educational journey may be difficult at times, you will reap the reward of utmost satisfaction when holding your nursing diploma for the first time—and nothing will ever compare to the fulfillment that improving and saving the lives of others will bring!"

- Mikhail Shneyder

"Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world."

- Nelson Mandela

"Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere."

- Chinese Proverb

"Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse."

- Elizabeth Kenny

"It’s okay to learn from every experience, and it’s okay to make mistakes."

- Louise Hay

"If we’re growing, we’re always going to be out of our comfort zone."

- John Maxwell

"Don’t wish it were easier, wish you were better. Don’t wish for fewer problems, wish for more skills. Don’t wish for less challenges, wish for more wisdom."

- Earl Shoaf

"Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do."

- Benjamin Spock

"If you can’t figure out your purpose, figure out your passion. For passion will lead you right into your purpose."

- Bishop T.D. Jakes

"How can anybody hate nurses? Nobody hates nurses. The only time you hate a nurse is when they’re giving you an enema."

- Warren Beatty

"Just so you know, doctors are here to diagnose, not heal. We heal."

- Edie Falco in Nurse Jackie

"Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital."

- Carrie Latet

"Nurses—one of the few blessings of being ill."

- Sara Moss-Wolfe

"It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others."

- Ashleigh Brilliant

"Life is just a big bowl of fancy assorted cashews!"

- Patrick Star, SpongeBob SquarePants

"Your soul is like your appendix—I don’t even use it!"

- Michael Kelso

"A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction."

- Justin Sewell

"Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!"

- Charlie Brown

"The most important practical lesson that can be given to nurses is to teach them what to observe."

- Florence Nightingale

"Nursing is a progressive art such that to stand still is to go backwards."

- Florence Nightingale

"Here’s the deal, when life gives you lemons, just say f-ck the lemons and bail."

"If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you."

"A nurse is not what you do. It is what you are… I am a nurse. It’s not what I do, it’s what I AM."

- Unknown

"Nursing: The toughest job you’ll ever love."

- Unknown

"A nurse is one who opens the eyes of a newborn and gently closes the eyes of a dying man. It is indeed a high blessing to be the first and last to witness the beginning and end of life."

- Unknown

"Nurses dispense comfort, compassion, and caring without even a prescription."

"When you’re a nurse, you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours."

- Unknown

"Nurse: just another word to describe a person strong enough to tolerate anything and soft enough to understand anyone."

"Be the nurse you would want as a patient."

"The definition of a nurse: To go above and beyond the call of duty. The first to work and the last to leave. The heart and soul of caring. who will pass through your life for a minute and impact it for an eternity. An empowered individual whom you may meet for only a 12-hour period, but who will put you and yours above theirs."

"When you’re a nurse you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours."

- Unknown

"When someone is going through a storm, your silent presence is more powerful than a million empty words."

"When you feel like quitting, remember why you started."

"Forgive yourself; you are not perfect. Show yourself grace; you are still learning. Show yourself patience; you are on a journey."

- Unknown

"Sometimes I inspire my patients; more often, they inspire me."

- Unknown

"Treat the patient as a whole, not just the hole in the patient."

- Unknown

"Being a nurse is weird: I can keep a poker face through trauma, but have a mental breakdown over losing my favorite pen."

"The 3 words most people want to hear: ‘I love you.’ The 3 words nurses want to hear: ‘Alert, Oriented, and Ambulatory."

"A new nurse gets scared when a doctor yells. An old nurse yells back."

"The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow; do good anyway!"

- Unknown

"Don’t let anyone treat you like an expired 24 butterfly gauge. You are a #16 in the left forearm with excellent venous return!"

"Why yes I do marathons. It’s called 12.5+ hour nurse shift run 3 times a week."

"The nurse that can smile when things go wrong…is probably going off duty."

- Anonymous

"Doctors save lives; nurses save doctors."

- Unknown

"It’s a beautiful thing when a career and a passion come together."

"If you walk a mile in a nurses shoes, you’ll walk a whole lot farther than a mile, and your back will kill you at the end."

"Nursing is not a career … it’s a post-apocalyptic survival skill."

"I’m a nurse—nothing scares me."

"Nurse: the first person you see after saying, ‘Hold my beer and watch this!’"

"Nursing friendships are a different kind of love; like, ‘I’ll hold the butt cheeks while you clean the butt crack’ kind of love!"

"I’m a nurse because ‘miracle worker’ isn’t an official title."

"I’m a nurse. What’s your superpower?"

"Don’t mess with me—I get paid to stab people with sharp objects."

"Save one life, you’re a hero. Save a hundred lives, you’re a nurse."

"Save one person, you’re a hero. Save hundreds, you’re a nurse."

- Unknown

"Value what you do and add value by what you do."

- Unknown

"Nursing is not for the empty of heart…nor the faint of heart."

"Not all angels have wings … some have scrubs."

"No, I will not rub your feet. I am a nurse, not a masseur."

"If I collapse at work, here is a list of doctors that I don’t want working on me!"

"How many nurses does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, it’s delegated to the nursing students."

- Unknown

"Nursing: when you’re not sure if it’s Saturday or Tuesday."

"Every nurse has a best friend, Pam: LorazePAM, DiazePAM, and ClonazePAM…"

- Unknown

"You know you’re a nurse when your finger has gone places you never thought possible."

"Don’t piss off nurses. They’re like the mafia. Piss off one and you piss off the rest."

- Unknown

"I love being a nurse, but I mostly love wearing scrubs. They’re basically professional pajamas."

"What do you tell a nurse when she administers an injection painlessly? Good jab."

"Knock knock.  Who’s there? HIPAA.  HIPAA who? I can’t tell you that"

"What’s it called when a hospital runs out of maternity nurses? A midwife crisis."

"What do transplant nurses hate? Rejection."

"When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water."

"Why did the nurse need a red crayon? To draw blood."

"A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure."

"3 AM: the time when you remember you forgot to chart that thing, bring that lady her water, or pass that med."

"Be happy – it drives people crazy."

"Think like a proton. Always positive."

"When I heard 2020 was going to be the year of the nurse, this is not what I expected…"

"People who ask me what I’m doing tomorrow probably assume I even know what day of the week it is."

- Anonymous

"I like keeping my metabolism on its toes. Like what’s it going to be today – starvation or 6,000 calories?"

- Anonymous

"Sometimes I have to remind myself around my non-nurse friends not to talk about bodily functions."

"Remember, I’m a nurse. You’re going to have to say a lot to gross me out."

"Yes, I am a nurse. No, I don’t want to look at it."

"May your scrubs be comfy, your coffee be strong, and your Monday be short."

"You know you work in healthcare when you can discuss puke and bowel movements at the lunch table and no one flinches."

"A nurse’s blood type? Coffee."

- Unknown

"You can’t fix crazy, all you can do is document it."

- Anonymous

"I’ve come to the realization that I’ll touch anything as long as I have gloves on."

"Hand sanitizer has started to become your best friend."

"No, RN does not stand for ‘Refreshments and Narcotics.’"

- Unknown

"You know that feeling when you meet someone and your heart skips a beat? Yeah, that’s arrhythmia. You can die from that."

- Unknown

"Work until your bank account looks like a phone number."

"Happiness is just sadness that hasn’t happened yet."

"The best things in life are actually really expensive."

"If the world didn't suck we'd all fly into space."

"Every tattoo is temporary, because we’re all slowly dying."

"The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts."

"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure."

"Always remember that you are unique – just like everybody else."

"Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them."