The Ultimate Collection of Funniest Inspirational Quotes to Brighten Your Day

"You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it."

- Robin Williams

"The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me."

- Ayn Rand

"I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong."

- Benjamin Franklin

"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realise I should have been more specific."

- Lily Tomlin

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work."

- Thomas Edison

"If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito."

- Dalai Lama

"Nothing is impossible, the word itself says "I'm possible!""

- Audrey Hepburn

"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."

- Vince Lombardi

"Well-behaved women seldom make history."

- Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."

- Ron White

"Change is not a four letter word… but often your reaction to it is!"

- Jeffrey Gitomer

"By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day."

- Robert Frost

"The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time."

- Joe Girard

"People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily."

- Zig Ziglar

"Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it."

- Dwight D. Eisenhower

"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces."

- Will Rogers

"Optimist: someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it’s more like a cha-cha."

- Robert Brault

"Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition."

- Marilyn Monroe

"People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day."

- Winnie the Pooh

"If you’re going through hell, keep going."

- Winston Churchill

"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade, and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."

- Ron White

"You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great."

- Zig Ziglar

"Don’t be so humble — you are not that great."

- Golda Meir

"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age."

- Lucille Ball

"I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."

- Rita Rudner

"When life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade and then try to find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."

- Ron White

"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."

- Dolly Parton

"A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it’s the only weapon we have."

- Roger Rabbit, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

"Your most important work is always ahead of you, never behind you."

- Stephen Covey

"The best revenge is massive success."

- Frank Sinatra

"It ain’t over til it’s over."

- Yogi Berra

"My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already."

- Dave Barry

"Hustle until your haters ask if you’re hiring."

- Steve Maraboli

"Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are."

- Will Ferrell

"Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow anyone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then, by all means, follow that path."

- Ellen DeGeneres

"To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone."

- Reba McEntire

"I’m not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"

- Chandler Bing

"To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone."

- Reba McEntire

"There’s power in looking silly and not caring that you do."

- Amy Poehler

"My mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get."

- Forrest Gump

"Just keep swimming."

- Finding Nemo

"The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs... one step at a time."

- Joe Girard

"People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily."

- Zig Ziglar

"I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love."

- Jim Carrey

"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."

- Elbert Hubbard

"Live each day like it's your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night."

- Jason Love

"Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia."

- Charles Schulz

"Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work."

- Robert Orben

"If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping in a room with a mosquito."

- Dalai Lama

"I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying."

- Oscar Wilde

"You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?"

- Steven Wright

"When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye."

- Cathy Guisewite

"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it."

- Terry Pratchett

"Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes."

- Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach

"I’ll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that’s probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess."

- Cassandra Duffy

"Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese."

- Billie Burke

"Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings."

- Robert Bloch

"I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms"

- Michael Scott

"Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well."

- Mark Twain

"Whoever said that money can’t buy happiness, simply didn’t know where to go shopping."

- Bo Derek

"The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one."

- Oscar Wilde

"It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong."

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them."

- Phyllis Diller

"I am an early bird and a night owl... so I am wise and I have worms."

- Michael Scott

"When I was growing up, I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific."

- Lily Tomlin

"I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with ’em later."

- Mitch Hedberg

"Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well."

- Mark Twain

"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough."

- Mae West

"True friends are those who really know you but love you anyway."

- Edna Buchanan

"There are few things in life harder to find and more important to keep than love. Well, love and a birth certificate."

- Barack Obama

"The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits."

- Albert Einstein

"If you can’t be kind, at least be vague."

- Judith Martin

"Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it."

- Tom Lehrer

"You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club."

- Jack London

"You will find the key to success under the alarm clock."

- Benjamin Franklin

"Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway."

- Robert Downey Jr.

"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."

- Lily Tomlin

"Minds are like parachutes. They only function when open."

- Frank Zappa

"You grow up the day you have your first real laugh — at yourself."

- Ethel Barrymore

"Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning."

- H. Jackson Brown Jr.

"Who won in life? Me. Because I got to marry you."

- Chip Gaines

"I don't want to hear about the endless struggles to keep sex exciting or the work it takes to plan a date night. I want to hear that you guys watch every episode of The Bachelorette together in secret shame or that one got the other hooked on Breaking Bad, and if either watches it without the other, they're dead meat."

- Mindy Kaling

"If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer."

- Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

"Today is a good day to try."

- The Hunchback of Notre Dame

"There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about."

- Oscar Wilde

"I learned a long time ago that worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere."

- Van Wilder, National Lampoon’s Van Wilder

"The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept."

- George Carlin

"Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood."

- Bill Murray

"A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory."

- Mark Twain

"I’m in shape. Round is a shape."

- George Carlin

"People waste their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I just drink whatever’s in the glass."

- Sophia Petrillo

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes."

- Jack Handey

"Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path."

- Ellen DeGeneres

"Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer."

- Ellen DeGeneres

"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt."

- Charles M. Schulz

"If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough."

- Phyllis Diller

"Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery."

- Erma Bombeck

"When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?'"

- Sydney J. Harris

"People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board."

- Betty White

"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you will be happy. If you get a bad one, you will be a philosopher."

- Socrates

"We have a couple of rules in our relationship. The first rule is that I make her feel like she’s getting everything. The second rule is that I actually do let her have her way in everything. And, so far, it’s working."

- Justin Timberlake

"If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball."

- Dodgeball

"Just ’cause some cute girl likes the same bizarro crap you do, that doesn’t make her your soulmate."

- 500 Days of Summer

"My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look."

- Halley Reed

"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."

- Oscar Wilde

"Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener."

- Pauline Thomason

"I have noticed that even people who claim everything is predetermined and that we can do nothing to change it look before they cross the road."

- Stephen Hawking

"Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow."

- Don Herold

"Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That’s one of my mottos."

- Stanley Hudson

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."

- Drew Carey

"Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back."

- Oscar Wilde

"I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book."

- Groucho Marx

"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home."

- Phyllis Diller

"We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public."

- Bryan White

"Even a stopped clock is right twice every day."

- Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

"People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys."

- Mike Bechtle

"Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’"

- Steven Wright

"If you think your boss is stupid, remember: You wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter."

- John Gotti

"I’m not crazy — I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 40 years."

- Ouiser Boudreaux

"A peacock that rests on his tail feathers is just another turkey."

- Dolly Parton

"My mother always used to say, ‘The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.’"

- Rose Nylund

"If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck."

- Elvis Presley

"The character of the nurse is as important as the knowledge she possesses."

- Carolyn Jarvis

"Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger."

- Franklin P. Jones

"If you let your head get too big, it'll break your neck."

- Elvis Presley

"Trying is the first step toward failure."

- Homer Simpson

"The doctors may be mapping out the war games, but it is the nurses who make the conflict bearable."

- Jodi Picoult

"Bound by paperwork, short on hands, sleep, and energy…nurses are rarely short on caring."

- Sharon Hudacek

"Whether a person is a male or female, a nurse is a nurse."

- Gary Veale, RN

"We often think of nursing as giving meds on time, checking an X-ray to see if the doctor needs to be called, or taking an admission at 2:00 a.m. with a smile on our faces. Too often, we forget all the other things that make our job what it truly is — caring and having a desire to make a difference."

- Erin Pettengill, RN

"Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon."

- Dag Hammarskjold

"It would not be possible to praise nurses too highly."

- Stephen Ambrose

"Caring is the essence of nursing."

- Jean Watson

"America’s nurses are the beating heart of our medical system."

- Barack Obama

"Nurses are there when the last breath is taken, and nurses are there when the first breath is taken. Although it is more enjoyable to celebrate the birth, it is just as important to comfort in death."

- Christine Bell

"Every nurse was drawn to nursing because of a desire to care, to serve, or to help."

- Christina Feist-Heilmeier, RN

"The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest."

- William Osler

"Nursing is one of the fine arts: I had almost said ‘the finest of fine arts.’"

- Florence Nightingale

"You treat a disease: you win, you lose. You treat a person, I guarantee you win—no matter the outcome."

- Robin Williams in Patch Adams

"Our job as nurses is to cushion the sorrow and celebrate the job, every day, while we are ‘just doing our jobs.’"

- Christine Belle

"Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier."

- Mother Teresa

"If you can’t figure out your purpose, figure out your passion. For passion will lead you right into your purpose."

- Bishop T.D. Jakes

"To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."

- Mahatma Gandhi

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle."

- Plato

"Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and, above all, confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this something, at whatever cost, must be attained."

- Marie Curie

"Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts."

- Charles Dickens

"As a nurse we have the opportunity to heal the mind, soul, heart, and body of our patients. They may forget your name, but they will never forget how you made them feel."

- Maya Angelou

"A nurse will always give us hope, an angel with a stethoscope."

- Carrie Latet

"Happiness … consists of giving, and in serving others."

- Henry Drummond

"The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away."

- Pablo Picasso

"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese."

- Luis Buñuel

"When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them."

- Rodney Dangerfield

"Instant gratification takes too long."

- Carrie Fisher

"There is no such thing as fun for the whole family."

- Jerry Seinfeld

"Well, nobody’s perfect."

- Some Like It Hot

"You’re not even old enough to know how bad life gets."

- The Virgin Suicides

"To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I’ve known sheep that could outwit you. I’ve worn dresses with higher IQs."

- Wanda

"Bad decisions make good stories."

- Ellis Vidler

"If we’re growing, we’re always going to be out of our comfort zone."

- John Maxwell

"I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet."

- Carrie Bradshaw

"Keep calm and carry a wand."

- A.W. Jantha

"The suspense is terrible. I hope it’ll last."

- Willy Wonka

"Life is hard. After all, it kills you."

- Katharine Hepburn

"My wife didn't take my name, which isn't weird, but what's weird is when people think it's weird, like we're on a first-name basis anyway."

- Mark Agee

"Don’t wish it were easier, wish you were better. Don’t wish for fewer problems, wish for more skills. Don’t wish for less challenges, wish for more wisdom."

- Earl Shoaf

"Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do."

- Benjamin Spock

"My favorite thing to do on this planet is to play games. And if you don’t enjoy games, then you’re really missing the point of what this life is."

- RuPaul

"Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do."

- Isaac Asimov

"Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world."

- Nelson Mandela

"Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere."

- Chinese proverb

"Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse."

- Elizabeth Kenny

"To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems."

- Homer Simpson

"It’s okay to learn from every experience, and it’s okay to make mistakes."

- Louise Hay

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."

- Steve Martin

"I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it."

- Mae West

"A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain."

- Graham Norton

"Nurses are the heart of healthcare."

- Donna Wilk Cardillo, MA, RN, CSP

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."

- Leo Buscaglia

"You treat a disease, you win, you lose. You treat a person, I’ll guarantee you’ll win."

- Patch Adams

"A nurse is compassion in scrubs."

- Lexie Saige

"Success is not final. Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts."

- Winston Churchill

"The nurse is temporarily the consciousness of the unconscious, the love of life of the suicidal, the leg of the amputee, the eyes of the newly blind, a means of locomotion for the newborn, knowledge and confidence for the young mother, a voice for those too weak to speak, and so on."

- Virginia Henderson, RN

"To do what nobody else will do, in a way that nobody else can do, in spite of all we go through…that is what it is to be a nurse."

- Rawsi Williams, RN

"A caress, a smile, is full of meaning for one who is sick. It is a simple gesture, but encouraging, he or she feels accompanied, feels closer to being healed, feels like a person, not a number."

- Pope Francis

"Nurses are always there, you care for us from the earliest years. You look after us in our happiest and saddest times. And for many, you look after us and our families at the end of our lives. Your dedication and professionalism are awe-inspiring."

- Duchess Kate Middleton

"Fill your mind with truth. Fill your heart with love. Fill your life with service."

- Vaughn J. Featherstone

"Your profession is not what brings home your paycheck. Your profession is what you were put on Earth to do with such passion and such intensity that it becomes spiritual in calling."

- Vincent Van Gogh

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose."

- Dr. Seuss

"Success comes to those who are too busy to look for it."

- Henry David Thoreau

"Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. The only way to do great work is to love what you do."

- Steve Jobs

"We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated."

- Maya Angelou

"How very little can be done under the spirit of fear."

- Florence Nightingale

"So never lose an opportunity of urging a practical beginning, however small, for it is wonderful how often in such matters the mustard-seed germinates and roots itself."

- Florence Nightingale

"I think one’s feelings waste themselves in words; they ought all to be distilled into actions which bring results."

- Florence Nightingale

"Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings."

- Salvador Dali

"Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny."

- Mahatma Ghandi

"I attribute my success to this; I never gave nor took any excuse."

- Florence Nightingale

"It is not how much you do, but how much love you put in the doing."

- Mother Teresa

"Work for a cause, not for applause. Live life to express, not to impress. Don’t strive to make your presence noticed, just make your presence felt."

- Grace Lichtenstein

"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life."

- Confucius

"If you wait to do everything until you’re sure it’s right, you’ll probably never do much of anything."

- Win Borden

"Confidence is not ‘they will like me,’ confidence is “I’ll be fine if they don’t. Successful people have fear, successful people have doubts, and successful people have worries. They just don’t let these feelings stop them."

- T. Harv Eker

"Let us never consider ourselves finished nurses….we must be learning all of our lives."

- Florence Nightingale

"Nursing is an art: and if it is to be made an art, it requires an exclusive devotion as hard a preparation as any painter’s or sculptor’s work."

- Florence Nightingale

"The very first requirement in a hospital is that it should do the sick no harm."

- Florence Nightingale

"Develop a passion for learning. If you do, you will never cease to grow."

- Anthony J. D’Angelo

"I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy, I’m telling you it’s going to be worth it."

- Art Williams

"Nothing will work unless you do."

- Maya Angelou

"I never dreamed about success—I worked for it."

- Estée Lauder

"Hardships often prepare people for an extraordinary destiny."

- C.S. Lewis

"To do what nobody else will do, in a way that nobody else can do, in spite of all we go through, is to be a nurse."

- Rawsi Williams, JD, BSN, RN, PhD

"Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway."

- Earl Nightingale

"Although your educational journey may be difficult at times, you will reap the reward of utmost satisfaction when holding your nursing diploma for the first time—and nothing will ever compare to the fulfillment that improving and saving the lives of others will bring!"

- Mikhail Shneyder

"Your soul is like your appendix—I don’t even use it!"

- Michael Kelso

"Life is just a big bowl of fancy assorted cashews!"

- Patrick Star, SpongeBob SquarePants

"Nurses—one of the few blessings of being ill."

- Sara Moss-Wolfe

"The nurse that can smile when things go wrong…is probably going off duty."

- Anonymous

"Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital."

- Carrie Latet

"How can anybody hate nurses? Nobody hates nurses. The only time you hate a nurse is when they’re giving you an enema."

- Warren Beatty

"Just so you know, doctors are here to diagnose, not heal. We heal."

- Edie Falco in Nurse Jackie

"It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others."

- Ashleigh Brilliant

"You can’t fix crazy, all you can do is document it."

- Anonymous

"I like keeping my metabolism on its toes. Like what’s it going to be today – starvation or 6,000 calories?"

- Anonymous

"People who ask me what I’m doing tomorrow probably assume I even know what day of the week it is."

- Anonymous

"A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction."

- Justin Sewell

"Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!"

- Charlie Brown

"The most important practical lesson that can be given to nurses is to teach them what to observe."

- Florence Nightingale

"Nursing is a progressive art such that to stand still is to go backwards."

- Florence Nightingale

"If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you."

"Here’s the deal, when life gives you lemons, just say f-ck the lemons and bail."

"A nurse is not what you do. It is what you are… I am a nurse. It’s not what I do, it’s what I AM."

- Unknown

"Nursing: The toughest job you’ll ever love."

- Unknown

"A nurse is one who opens the eyes of a newborn and gently closes the eyes of a dying man. It is indeed a high blessing to be the first and last to witness the beginning and end of life."

- Unknown

"Nurses dispense comfort, compassion, and caring without even a prescription."

"When you’re a nurse, you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours."

- Unknown

"Sometimes I inspire my patients; more often, they inspire me."

- Unknown

"Nurse: just another word to describe a person strong enough to tolerate anything and soft enough to understand anyone."

"Be the nurse you would want as a patient."

"The definition of a nurse: To go above and beyond the call of duty. The first to work and the last to leave. The heart and soul of caring. who will pass through your life for a minute and impact it for an eternity. An empowered individual whom you may meet for only a 12-hour period, but who will put you and yours above theirs."

"When you’re a nurse you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours."

- Unknown

"When someone is going through a storm, your silent presence is more powerful than a million empty words."

"When you feel like quitting, remember why you started."

"Forgive yourself; you are not perfect. Show yourself grace; you are still learning. Show yourself patience; you are on a journey."

- Unknown

"The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow; do good anyway!"

- Unknown

"It’s a beautiful thing when a career and a passion come together."

"Being a nurse is weird: I can keep a poker face through trauma, but have a mental breakdown over losing my favorite pen."

"I’m a nurse—nothing scares me."

"Nursing is not for the empty of heart…nor the faint of heart."

"A new nurse gets scared when a doctor yells. An old nurse yells back."

"Save one person, you’re a hero. Save hundreds, you’re a nurse."

- Unknown

"Value what you do and add value by what you do."

- Unknown

"Not all angels have wings … some have scrubs."

"I’m a nurse. What’s your superpower?"

"If you walk a mile in a nurses shoes, you’ll walk a whole lot farther than a mile, and your back will kill you at the end."

"I’m a nurse because ‘miracle worker’ isn’t an official title."

"Why yes I do marathons. It’s called 12.5+ hour nurse shift run 3 times a week."

"Nursing is not a career … it’s a post-apocalyptic survival skill."

"Don’t mess with me—I get paid to stab people with sharp objects."

"Nursing friendships are a different kind of love; like, ‘I’ll hold the butt cheeks while you clean the butt crack’ kind of love!"

"Treat the patient as a whole, not just the hole in the patient."

- Unknown

"Save one life, you’re a hero. Save a hundred lives, you’re a nurse."

"Nurse: the first person you see after saying, ‘Hold my beer and watch this!’"

"Don’t let anyone treat you like an expired 24 butterfly gauge. You are a #16 in the left forearm with excellent venous return!"

"Doctors save lives; nurses save doctors."

- Unknown

"The 3 words most people want to hear: ‘I love you.’ The 3 words nurses want to hear: ‘Alert, Oriented, and Ambulatory."

"What do transplant nurses hate? Rejection."

"A nurse’s blood type? Coffee."

- Unknown

"You know you work in healthcare when you can discuss puke and bowel movements at the lunch table and no one flinches."

"May your scrubs be comfy, your coffee be strong, and your Monday be short."

"Yes, I am a nurse. No, I don’t want to look at it."

"Remember, I’m a nurse. You’re going to have to say a lot to gross me out."

"Sometimes I have to remind myself around my non-nurse friends not to talk about bodily functions."

"No, I will not rub your feet. I am a nurse, not a masseur."

"What’s it called when a hospital runs out of maternity nurses? A midwife crisis."

"Knock knock.  Who’s there? HIPAA.  HIPAA who? I can’t tell you that"

"What do you tell a nurse when she administers an injection painlessly? Good jab."

"When I heard 2020 was going to be the year of the nurse, this is not what I expected…"

"3 AM: the time when you remember you forgot to chart that thing, bring that lady her water, or pass that med."

"A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure."

"Be happy – it drives people crazy."

"Think like a proton. Always positive."

"When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water."

"Why did the nurse need a red crayon? To draw blood."

"You know you’re a nurse when your finger has gone places you never thought possible."

"Every nurse has a best friend, Pam: LorazePAM, DiazePAM, and ClonazePAM…"

- Unknown

"Nursing: when you’re not sure if it’s Saturday or Tuesday."

"How many nurses does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, it’s delegated to the nursing students."

- Unknown

"If I collapse at work, here is a list of doctors that I don’t want working on me!"

"You know that feeling when you meet someone and your heart skips a beat? Yeah, that’s arrhythmia. You can die from that."

- Unknown

"No, RN does not stand for ‘Refreshments and Narcotics.’"

- Unknown

"Hand sanitizer has started to become your best friend."

"I’ve come to the realization that I’ll touch anything as long as I have gloves on."

"I love being a nurse, but I mostly love wearing scrubs. They’re basically professional pajamas."

"Don’t piss off nurses. They’re like the mafia. Piss off one and you piss off the rest."

- Unknown

"Work until your bank account looks like a phone number."

"If the world didn't suck we'd all fly into space."

"Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them."

"Happiness is just sadness that hasn’t happened yet."

"Every tattoo is temporary, because we’re all slowly dying."

"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure."

"The best things in life are actually really expensive."

"Always remember that you are unique – just like everybody else."

"The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts."