"The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one."
- Oscar Wilde
Well-being
"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it."
- Groucho Marx
Integrity
"People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily."
- Zig Ziglar
Motivation
"Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work."
- Robert Orben
Motivation
"Delegate your work. Stop spending dollar time on penny jobs."
- Mary Kay Ash
Efficiency
"If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut."
- Albert Einstein
Wisdom
"Before he created the electric light, Edison had failed 10,000 times. Don’t let failure discourage you."
- Napoleon Hill
Failure
"Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible!'"
- Audrey Hepburn
Aspirations
"If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'"
- Dave Barry
Awareness
"Many of life’s failures are experiences by people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."
- Thomas Edison
Persistence
"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure."
- Mark Twain
Well-being
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work."
- Thomas Edison
Hard Work
"When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'"
- Don Marquis
Hard Work
"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar."
- Drew Carey
Adversity
"Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work."
- Earl Nightingale
Leadership
"Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard."
- Tim Notke
Hard Work
"The reward for good work is more work."
- Francesca Elisia
Hard Work
"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."
- Vince Lombardi
Well-being
"People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The problem is they want a week’s pay for it."
- Joey Adams
Hard Work
"The elevator to success is not an option. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time."
- Joe Girard
Success
"The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished."
- Groucho Marx
Motivation
"There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?"
- Kin Hubbard
Success
"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important."
- Bertrand Russell
Awareness
"I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it."
- Bill Gates
Efficiency
"If you’re going through hell, keep going."
- Winston Churchill
Resilience
"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there."
- Josh Billings
Persistence
"If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter."
- John Gotti
Motivation
"Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done."
- Peter Drucker
Efficiency
"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the real greats make you feel that you, too, can be great."
- Mark Twain
Motivation
"People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do."
- Elbert Hubbard
Motivation
"Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit."
- George Carlin
Well-being
"Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers."
- Homer Simpson
Aspirations
"Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?"
- Edward Bergen
Hard Work
"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Resilience
"Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life."
- Mark Twain
Contentment
"You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great."
- Zig Ziglar
New Beginnings
"Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence."
- Helen Keller
Optimism
"Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value."
- Albert Einstein
Success
"Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth."
- Mike Tyson
Adversity
"Create the highest, grandest vision possible for your life because you become what you believe."
- Oprah Winfrey
Vision
"Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better."
- Maya Angelou
Personal Growth
"Where people aren’t having fun, they seldom produce good work."
- David Ogilvy
Motivation
"Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there."
- Will Rogers
Determination
"Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it half-assed. That’s the American way."
- Homer Simpson
Courage
"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
- Drew Carey
Happiness
"I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what that means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’"
- Chris Rock
Motivation
"It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up."
- Muhammad Ali
Well-being
"Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers."
- Homer Simpson
Ambition
"Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished."
- Leslie Nielsen
Motivation
"Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."
- Mark Twain
Time Management
"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
- Steven Wright
Motivation
"The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs... one step at a time."
- Joe Girard
Success
"Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all."
- Sam Ewing
Hard Work
"By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day."
- Robert Frost
Hard Work
"Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you."
- Zig Ziglar
Motivation
"Work is the curse of the drinking class."
- Oscar Wilde
Wisdom
"People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing, that’s why we recommend it daily."
- Zig Ziglar
Motivation
"Right now, this is a job. If I advance any higher, this would be my career. And if this were my career, I’d have to throw myself in front of a train."
- The Office
Adversity
"A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job."
- Zig Ziglar
Motivation
"I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around."
- Homer Simpson
Motivation
"Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor."
- John Ciardi
Awareness
"I’m not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen."
- Junior Seau
New Beginnings
"I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around."
- Homer Simpson
Motivation
"What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day."
- Phyllis Diller
Happiness
"Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired."
- Michel Tournier
Awareness
"Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid."
- Phil Pastoret
Awareness
"I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying."
- Rita Rudner
Self-awareness
"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."
- Charles Lamb
Well-being
"Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done."
- Sam Ewing
Motivation
"My son is now an 'entrepreneur.' That's what you're called when you don't have a job."
- Ted Turner
Motivation
"Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we'd be here every freakin' day."
- Ed Bernard
Balance
"Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow."
- Don Herold
Time Management
"People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up."
- Ogden Nash
Awareness
"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."
- Lily Tomlin
Self-awareness
"If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter."
- John Gotti
Motivation
"There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting."
- David Letterman
Adaptation
"When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'"
- Don Marquis
Ambition
"Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?"
- J. Paul Getty
Adaptation
"Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock."
- Pablo Picasso
Adaptation
"Why join the navy if you can be a pirate?"
- Steve Jobs
Creativity
"Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties."
- Doug Larson
Ambition
"Success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things."
- TS Eliot
Success
"If you would like to know the value of money, try to borrow some."
- Benjamin Franklin
Well-being
"Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed."
- George Burns
Contentment
"Aim low, reach your goals, and avoid disappointment."
- Dilbert
Goals
"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important."
- Bertrand Russell
Awareness
"If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative."
- Woody Allen
Courage
"The road to success is always under construction."
- Lily Tomlin
Success
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them."
- Henry David Thoreau
Goals
"It is very rare or almost impossible that an event can be negative from all points of view."
- Dalai Lama
Awareness
"The world of the future is in our making. Tomorrow is now."
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Vision
"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."
- Elbert Hubbard
Optimism
"Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there."
- Will Rogers
Determination
"I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours."
- Jerome K. Jerome
Motivation
"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."
- Scott Adams
Inspiration
"If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work."
- Woody Allen
Awareness
"No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early."
- Groucho Marx
Motivation
"Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you're finished."
- Leslie Nielsen
Motivation
"It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you."
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Teamwork
"If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock."
- Claude MacDonald
Hard Work
"There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting."
- David Letterman
Motivation
"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office."
- Robert Frost
Awareness
"Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy."
- Charlie McCarthy
Ambition
"People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!"
- Anonymous
Hard Work
"Sarcasm helps you overcome the harsh reality of life, makes people smile, and eases the pain of scars."
- Mahmoud Darwish
Courage
"Most people miss the opportunity because they dress in overalls and pretend to work."
- Thomas Edison
Hard Work
"The road to success is always in construction."
- Lily Tomlin
Success
"Work until your bank account looks like your phone number."
- Anonymous
Success
"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring."
- Marilyn Monroe
Self-esteem
"Change is not a four-letter word… but often your reaction to it is!"
- Jeffrey Gitomer
Change
"If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you."
- Billy Wilder
Courage
"Well-behaved females rarely make history."
- Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
Ambition
"Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid."
- John Wayne
Adversity
"I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock."
- Henny Youngman
Balance
"Success will bring you the greatest revenge. I believe women should either respond with sarcasm, or success."
- Kangana Ranaut
Success
"Always give 100%, except when you’re giving blood."
- Anonymous
Hard Work
"Experience is the name many people give their mistakes."
- Anonymous
Learning from Mistakes
"Success is not something you can hide. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?"
- Kin Hubbard
Success
"A diamond is simply a lump of coal that performed well under pressure."
- Anonymous
Achievement
"Always remember that your uniqueness is what you have. Just like everyone else."
- Margaret Mead
Self-awareness
"Listen, smile, accept, and then do what you thought you would do anyway."
- Robert Downey Jr.
Awareness
"Leadership refers to the art of convincing someone else to do what you want, because he is motivated to."
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Leadership
"People may say that it is impossible to do something, but I do it every day."
- Winnie The Pooh
Aspirations
"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so."
- Douglas Adams
Motivation
"The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse."
- Denise Miller
Courage
"Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes."
- Lewis Grizzard
Adaptation
"All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind."
- Aristotle
Awareness
"When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because... they had three snakes, and one day I braided them."
- Steven Alexander Wright
Motivation
"Every man has a right to be conceited until he is successful."
- Benjamin Disraeli
Self-esteem
"Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday."
- Don Marquis
Time Management
"You never become a howling success by just howling."
- Bob Harrington
Success
"Success and failure are both difficult to endure. Along with success come drugs, divorce, fornication, bullying, travel, meditation, medication, depression, neurosis and suicide. With failure comes failure."
- Joseph Heller
Failure
"Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake."
- Savielly Tartakower
Success
"Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure."
- Earl Wilson
Success
"I’m not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues."
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
Well-being
"Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment."
- Rita Mae Brown
Well-being
"I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail."
- Abraham Maslow
Insight
"There’s an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job."
- Peter Drucker
Adaptation
"A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B."
- Fats Domino
Motivation
"There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?"
- Kin Hubbard
Success
"The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen."
- Sarah Brown
Success
"If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style."
- Quentin Crisp
Failure
"Make sure you have a vice president in charge of your revolution, to engender ferment among your more conventional colleagues."
- David Ogilvy
Leadership
"Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it."
- Andrew Young
Morality
"Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright."
- Anonymous
Teamwork
"Beware of any enterprise requiring new clothes."
- Henry Thoreau
Awareness
"The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of its behind."
- Joseph Stilwell
Insight
"The best computer is a man, and it’s the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labour."
- Wernher von Braun
Insight
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
- Napoleon Bonaparte
Wisdom
"Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either."
- Anonymous
Self-esteem
"I don’t eat meat because I love animals. I eat vegetables because I hate plants."
- Whitney Brown
Compassion
"Education is what one does after he has forgotten everything he learned at school."
- Albert Einstein
Education
"It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has the same taste."
- Anonymous
Self-esteem
"Some cause happiness everywhere they go, others wherever they go."
- Oscar Wilde
Happiness
"Women who want to be equal with men are not ambitious."
- Marilyn Monroe
Ambition
"I do not know what weapons World War III is going to be fought with, but World War IV can be fought with sticks or stones."
- Albert Einstein
Wisdom
"Life is too short. Smile while you have teeth."
- Anonymous
Happiness
"I’m not good at giving advice… Can you make a sarcastic comment?"
- Chandler Bing, ‘Friends’
Creativity
"If I had a dollar for every clever thing you said. I’ll be poor."
- Anonymous
Courage
"History teaches us that men, nations, and the world behave wisely when they exhaust all other options."
- Abba Eban
Wisdom
"If anything can go wrong, it will."
- Murphy’s Laws
Adversity
"Spend your entire life doing weird things with weird people."
- Anonymous
Relationships
"The problem with being open-minded is that people will insist on trying to put things in their place."
- Terry Pratchett
Awareness
"Let’s share, you’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin."
- Anonymous
Courage
"If you’re going to be thinking, you may as well think big."
- Donald Trump
Ambition
"I’m not old enough to know everything."
- Oscar Wilde
Wisdom
"Computers can understand sarcasm better than Americans."
- Geoffrey Hinton
Awareness
"What doesn’t kill you gives you a set of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humor."
- Anonymous
Adversity
"Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy."
- Cynthia Nelms
Happiness
"I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life."
- Anonymous
Adversity
"Be the reason someone smiles today…or the reason they drink. Anything works."
- Anonymous
Happiness
"My naturally-born sarcasm can sometimes be a little too much at times, and that’s something I’m not ashamed to admit."
- Tom Bergeron
Self-awareness
"Friendship can be like peeing on oneself: Everyone can see it but only you feel the warmth it brings."
- Robert Bloch
Relationships
"A man can live happily with any woman if he doesn’t love them."
- Oscar Wilde
Relationships
"There’s no better vacation than my boss being on vacation."
- Anonymous
Happiness
"Ah, yes, divorce … from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet."
- Robin Williams
Relationships
"It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black."
- Paul Newman
Adversity
"I have always wanted to be somebody. But now I realize that I should be more specific."
- Lily Tomlin
Aspirations
"Light travels quicker than sound. This is why people seem brighter than they actually are."
- Steven Wright
Awareness
"A lie can be halfway around the globe before the truth can have a chance to get its pants up."
- Winston Churchill
Wisdom
"When life is giving you lemons, squirt somebody in the eye."
- Cathy Guisewite
Happiness
"I am so clever, sometimes I don’t understand a word of what I’m saying."
- Oscar Wilde
Wisdom
"Yes, I walked out mid-conversation. You were bored to death, and my survival instincts kicked into high gear."
- Anonymous
Courage
"What is the difference between a tornado in the South and a divorce? Absolutely nothing! Someone’s losing a trailer, number one."
- Robin Williams
Relationships
"Never delay what you can do tomorrow!"
- Mark Twain
Time Management
"You can’t have everything. It’s impossible to have everything."
- Steven Wright
Contentment
"I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I thought you knew everything."
- Anonymous
Courage
"Before judging a man, walk one mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!"
- Billy Connolly
Awareness
"An optimist believes this is the best possible universe. The opposite of optimists is pessimists who fear this to be true."
- Robert Oppenheimer
Optimism
"Sarchotic: People don’t know if you’re serious or joking when you’re so sarcastic."
- Anonymous
Courage
"Unless you are Google, stop pretending that you know everything."
- Anonymous
Self-awareness
"I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms."
- Michael Scott
Balance
"Without Geometry, Life is Pointless."
- Anonymous
Wisdom
"Luck can be what you have left over after you give 100 per cent."
- Langston Coleman
Success
"I hailed from a tough neighborhood. I was once attacked by a man with a knife. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it."
- Rodney Dangerfield
Courage
"Bad decisions are good stories."
- Ellis Vidler
Learning from Mistakes
"A half-truth is a lie."
- Yiddish Proverb
Wisdom
"Silence is gold. Duct tape can be described as silver."
- Anonymous
Wisdom
"I’ve reached an age where my brain can go from a ‘You” Probably shouldn’t say that” to “What the heck, let’s just see what happens.”"
- Anonymous
Self-awareness
"When people ask me a stupid question, it’s my legal obligation to make a sarcastic comment."
- Anonymous
Courage
"Sarcasm is the last refuge for the imaginatively broke."
- Cassandra Clare
Creativity
"I’ll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that’s probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess."
- Cassandra Duffy
Aspirations
"I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong."
- Russell Lynes
Courage
"Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile."
- Billy Sunday
Religion
"If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck."
- Elvis Presley
Self-awareness
"What are the appropriate proportions of maxims? The minimum amount of sound and the maximum amount of sense."
- Mark Twain
Wisdom
"I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams."
- Anonymous
Adversity
"Try sleeping with a moth if you feel you are too small for a change."
- Dalai Lama
Change
"This music will not do. It lacks sarcasm."
- Samuel Goldwyn
Creativity
"I love French sarcasm and irony. They are a great source of bad moods."
- Marjane Satrapi
Awareness
"We suffer from too much sarcasm."
- Marianne Moore
Awareness
"Why is it called rush hour when there’s no movement?"
- Robin Williams
Awareness
"Politics: ‘Poli’ a Latin word meaning ‘many’; and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures.'"
- Robin Williams
Awareness
"I’m a bit sassy with some sarcasm, but I’m also stoic at times – and brash."
- Mike Daniels
Self-awareness
"Calamities come in two types: misfortunes to us and good fortune for others."
- Ambrose Bierce
Adversity
"I don’t enjoy irony or sarcasm. However, I like when someone tells you a joke but then it turns out to be serious."
- Jens Lekman
Creativity
"Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese."
- Billie Burke
Contentment
"The message of 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer' is that your individuality will be mocked and shunned until it proves useful."
- Zoomulator
Awareness
"If at first you don't succeed, try try again. But then stop, because there's no point in making a fool of yourself."
- KhaoticMess
Failure
""You tried your best and you failed. The lesson is: never try.""
- RoboWonder
Failure
"Don't forget, you're here forever."
- bife_de_lomo
Adversity
""This is the worst day of my life" "The worst day of your life SO FAR""
- SuspiciousChair8918
Adversity
"Remember: every corpse on Mt. Everest was once a motivated person."
- InkIcan
Adversity
"In my experience, it’s more like, life’s a bitch and you go on living."
- SnooChipmunks126
Adversity
"I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours."
- Jerome K. Jerome
Well-being
"I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday."
Motivation
"A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure."
Success
"Teamwork makes the dream work, except when you have that one coworker."
Teamwork
"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is probably not for you."
Motivation
"My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck."
- Unknown
Motivation
"I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words."
Creativity
"Getting paid to sleep... that's my dream job."
Motivation
"I love the work-life balance…especially the part where I don’t work."
Balance
"My team is great. We work together like an old car: it takes time to get started."
Teamwork
"I’m all about balance. 80% work, 20% looking at cat videos."
Balance
"I have a great work-life balance: 70% work, 30% pretending to work."
Balance
"Some people work hard. Others are hardly working."
Hard Work
"I communicate best through sarcastic emails and passive-aggressive notes."
Relationships
"Working hard or hardly working? Why not both?"
Balance
"Work hard, nap hard."
Balance
"I’m not stressed. I’m just trying to figure out how to avoid working."
Facing Fears
"I’m not overworked. I’m just underpaid for what I do."
Adversity
"If work was so great, the rich would have kept it for themselves."
Philosophy
"Time management is a great way to spend time managing your time."
Time Management
"I don’t have time to manage my time; I’m too busy trying to manage my distractions."
Time Management
"Email communication: where ‘please see attached’ is code for ‘I haven’t done this yet.’"
Relationships
"Great teamwork is like a good marriage—lots of patience, understanding, and distractions."
Teamwork
"I’m the best team player. I delegate everything to others."
Teamwork
"My work is so much fun, I forget I’m working—until I look at my paycheck."
Adversity
"There’s no ‘I’ in team, but there is a ‘me’."
Teamwork
"I work hard because my dreams are big, but my bank account is small."
Motivation
"Overworked and underpaid. Is that the American Dream?"
Adversity
"Nothing says teamwork like awkward silences and muted microphones."
Teamwork
"My office culture? Pretend to work while others pretend to care."
Adversity
"I love the sound of ‘we need to talk’ in emails."
Relationships
"Sorry for the delay, I was too busy replying to my other 100 emails."
Relationships
"Work snacks are the secret to surviving the day."
Well-being
"Lunch break: the time to discuss what you’re going to eat for dinner."
Well-being
"My favorite part of working is the 2 pm snack."
Well-being
"Who needs a work-life balance when you have free office snacks?"
Balance
"I have a strong relationship with office coffee, but it’s complicated."
Relationships
"After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF."
Wisdom
"Teamwork: the art of making someone else do your work."
Teamwork
"My idea of a perfect workday is one where no work happens."
Contentment
"I don’t get paid enough to care this much."
Motivation
"Stress is the secret ingredient to a successful workday."
Motivation
"I work because I love money. Just kidding, I love avoiding stress."
Motivation
"The only time I’m on time is when I’m waiting for the clock to strike 5."
Time Management
"I plan to do absolutely nothing all day and still somehow manage to be late."
Time Management
"I would like to work less, but I’m addicted to Netflix."
Balance
"I love my job, but my office is more of a hostage situation."
Adversity
"A good office is like a good sandwich—full of stuff you like and things you don’t care about."
Adversity
"Office coffee is like office gossip—strong, bitter, and never enough."
Adversity
"My office dress code is: business on the top, pajamas on the bottom."
Balance
"I don’t wear the same clothes to work every day. I wear pajamas to work every day."
Balance
"Work clothes? More like, ‘How long can I wear the same shirt before it starts to smell?’"
Balance
"Work attire: the art of looking like you tried without actually trying."
Balance
"I wear a suit because my job is serious, but my heart says sweatpants."
Balance
"I wish my job had a snooze button."
Adversity
"Don't follow your friends off a bridge; lead them."
Motivation
"The problem with communication is the ‘other person’."
Relationships
"If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me."
Adaptation
"Zombies eat brains. You’re safe."
Creativity
"Stressed, blessed, and coffee obsessed."
Balance
"The best part of my job is that the coffee is free."
Happiness
"If at first you don’t succeed, try management."
Failure
"Failure is not an option-it comes bundled with the software."
Failure
"Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job."
Motivation
"Life’s a bitch and then you die."
Philosophy
"The early worm gets eaten."
Motivation
"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."
Insight
"Trying is the first step to failing!"
Motivation
"No one is as dumb as all of us together."
Self-awareness
"Just because you’re special, doesn’t mean you’re useful."
Self-awareness
"The light at the end of the tunnel might be an oncoming train."
Facing Fears
"It's never too late to give up."
Motivation
"Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss’s job."
Self-esteem
"Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels."
Contentment
"My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I'm still at work."
Motivation