"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"

- Groucho Marx

"When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun.'”"

- Groucho Marx

"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind him is his wife."

- Groucho Marx

"No man goes before his time — unless the boss leaves early."

- Groucho Marx

"I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30."

- Groucho Marx