Well-being Quotes

"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."

- Vince Lombardi

"Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!"

- Charlie Brown

"People waste their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I just drink whatever’s in the glass."

- Sophia Petrillo

"Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work."

- Robert Orben

"If you think your boss is stupid, remember: You wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter."

- John Gotti

"The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one."

- Oscar Wilde

"Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas."

- Paula Poundstone

"My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne."

- Tina Fey

"Reality continues to ruin my life."

- Bill Watterson

"Even if I wanted to go, my schedule wouldn’t allow it. 4:00, wallow in self pity; 4:30, stare into the abyss; 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one; 5:30, Jazzercise; 6:30, dinner with me — I can’t cancel that again; 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing...I’m booked."

- The Grinch

"When I’m in social situations, I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure, and I don’t have to shake hands."

- Larry David

"My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me."

- Garry Shandling

"People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys."

- Mike Bechtle

"Spend some time this weekend on home improvement; improve your attitude toward your family."

- Bo Bennett

"From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge."

- Jarod Kintz

"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity."

- Edgar Allan Poe

"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with assholes."

- William Gibson

"My therapist says I’m afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting-around time."

- Maria Bamford

"The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true."

- James Branch Cabell

"Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?"

- Lillian Donovan

"Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. It’s cheaper."

- Quentin Crisp

"I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to keep out of those places."

- Rodney Dangerfield

"I’m not crazy — I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 40 years."

- Ouiser Boudreaux

"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane."

- Philip K. Dick

"I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back."

- Jimmy Kimmel

"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by."

- Douglas Adams

"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."

- Charles Lamb

"I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours."

- Jerome K. Jerome

"When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?’"

- Don Marquis

"By all means, move at a glacial pace. You know how that thrills me."

- Miranda Priestly