Relationships Quotes

"Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse!"

- Groucho Marx

"Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter."

- Cecilia Egan

"Like good wine, marriage gets better with age – once you learn to keep a cork in it."

- Gene Perret

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."

- Groucho Marx

"When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her."

- Sacha Guitry

"There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works."

- Will Rogers

"Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery."

- Erma Bombeck

"This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic."

- Lorrie Moore

"Marriage is the chief cause of divorce."

- Groucho Marx

"We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops."

- Henny Youngman

"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late."

- Max Kauffmann

"Marriage. Because your crappy day doesn't have to end at work."

"I don't keep secrets, I just keep people out of my business."

"Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throwing ANYTHING away EVER. I snuggle out broken crayons like a Mexican druglord."

"You're everything I want in someone I don't want anymore."

"If they act like they can live without you... Help them do it."

"You play the victim. I'll play the disinterested bystander."

"My neighbors listen to good music whether they like it or not."

"I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently 'a way out' wasn't the right answer."

"Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans."

"Instead of 'single' as a marital status they should have 'independently owned and operated.'"

"Some people really suck. Avoid them."

"Sorry... to have met you."

"My friends are so much cooler than yours. They’re invisible."

"During labor, the pain is so great that a woman can almost imagine what a man feels like when he has a fever."

- Unknown

"You're giving me the silent treatment? Finally."

"I don't know how people can fake whole relationships. I can't even fake a hello to somebody I don't like."

"You’re not that lucky and I’m not that desperate!"

- Anonymous

"Marriage is bliss for people who aren’t in it."

"You were my cup of tea, but I drink champagne now."