Mitch Hedberg

"I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy."

- Mitch Hedberg

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later."

- Mitch Hedberg

"Addiction is a disease, but it’s the only one you can get yelled at for having."

- Mitch Hedberg

"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."

- Mitch Hedberg

"I know people that believe in ghosts but don't believe in themselves."

- Mitch Hedberg

"I know people that believe in ghosts but don’t believe in themselves."

- Mitch Hedberg

"I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later."

- Mitch Hedberg

"I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with ’em later."

- Mitch Hedberg

"A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap."

- Mitch Hedberg

"I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down."

- Mitch Hedberg