Mitch Hedberg

"I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy."

- Mitch Hedberg

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later."

- Mitch Hedberg

"Addiction is a disease, but it’s the only one you can get yelled at for having."

- Mitch Hedberg

"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."

- Mitch Hedberg

"I know people that believe in ghosts but don’t believe in themselves."

- Mitch Hedberg

"I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later."

- Mitch Hedberg

"I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with ’em later."

- Mitch Hedberg

"A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap."

- Mitch Hedberg