I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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"My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive."

- Rodney Dangerfield

Love

"I hailed from a tough neighborhood. I was once attacked by a man with a knife. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it."

- Rodney Dangerfield

Courage

"My uncle's dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair."

- Rodney Dangerfield

Adversity

"Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself."

- Rodney Dangerfield

Creativity

"On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me."

- Rodney Dangerfield

Ambition

More Self-awareness Quotes

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"Beauty is not about physical perfection, but about authenticity and confidence."

- Beauty and the Beast

Self-awareness

"Beauty is found in the unique qualities that make us who we are."

- Beauty and the Beast

Self-awareness

"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."

- Lily Tomlin

Self-awareness

"Make sure your worst enemy doesn’t live between your own two ears."

- Laird Hamilton

Self-awareness

"True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less."

Self-awareness