"Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it."

- George Carlin

"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"

- George Carlin

"I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me — they’re cramming for their final exam."

- George Carlin

"When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat."

- George Carlin

"I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more of they get older; then it dawned on me they are cramming for their final exam."

- George Carlin