50+ Ironic Inspirational Quotes That Will Make You Laugh and Think

"If you’re going through hell, keep going."

- Winston Churchill

"Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible!'"

- Audrey Hepburn

"Confidence is 10% hard work and 90% delusion."

- Tina Fey

"When you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em, ‘Certainly I can!’ Then get busy and find out how to do it."

- Theodore Roosevelt

"The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me."

- Ayn Rand

"Before he created the electric light, Edison had failed 10,000 times. Don’t let failure discourage you."

- Napoleon Hill

"The road to success is always under construction."

- Lily Tomlin

"I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong."

- Russell Lynes

"Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid."

- John Wayne

"If anything can go wrong, it will."

- Murphy’s Laws

"Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work."

- Robert Orben

"Some people see things that are and ask, ‘Why?’ Some people dream of things that never were and ask, ‘Why not?’ Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that."

- George Carlin

"If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock."

- Claude MacDonald

"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."

- Vince Lombardi

"Whatever you do, always give 100% — unless you’re donating blood."

- Bill Murray

"Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it."

- Katharine Whitehorn

"Be like a postage stamp; stick to one thing until you get there."

- Josh Billings

"Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, some don’t turn up at all."

- Sam Ewing

"Hustle until your haters ask if you’re hiring."

- Steve Maraboli

"The difference between try and triumph is just a little umph!"

- Marvin Phillips

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

- Ferris Bueller

"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men."

- Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

"Why, sometimes I’ve believed six impossible things before breakfast."

- Alice in Wonderland

"My mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get."

- Forrest Gump

"I learned a long time ago that worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere."

- Van Wilder, National Lampoon’s van Wilder

"Just keep swimming."

- Finding Nemo

"A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it’s the only weapon we have."

- Roger Rabbit, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

"Today is a good day to try."

- The Hunchback of Notre Dame

"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."

- Elbert Hubbard

"Life is hard. After all, it kills you."

- Katharine Hepburn

"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade, and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."

- Ron White

"My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already."

- Dave Barry

"Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise, we’re going down the tube."

- Joan Rivers

"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age."

- Lucille Ball

"Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow anyone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then, by all means, follow that path."

- Ellen DeGeneres

"To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone."

- Reba McEntire

"When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?'"

- Sydney J. Harris

"I have noticed that even people who claim everything is predetermined and that we can do nothing to change it look before they cross the road."

- Stephen Hawking

"A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain."

- Graham Norton

"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough."

- Mae West

"Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first."

- Mark Twain

"My favorite thing to do on this planet is to play games. And if you don’t enjoy games, then you’re really missing the point of what this life is."

- RuPaul

"Always remember that your uniqueness is what you have. Just like everyone else."

- Margaret Mead

"Some cause happiness everywhere they go, others wherever they go."

- Oscar Wilde

"Success is not something you can hide. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?"

- Kin Hubbard

"Education is what one does after he has forgotten everything he learned at school."

- Albert Einstein

"I do not know what weapons World War III is going to be fought with, but World War IV can be fought with sticks or stones."

- Albert Einstein

"Listen, smile, accept, and then do what you thought you would do anyway."

- Robert Downey Jr.

"Most people miss the opportunity because they dress in overalls and pretend to work."

- Thomas Edison

"Plot Twist is the best way to move forward when something goes wrong in life."

- Molly Weis

"Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he’s supposed to be doing at that moment."

- Robert Benchley

"Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow."

- Don Herold

"The problem with being open-minded is that people will insist on trying to put things in their place."

- Terry Pratchett

"If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer."

- Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

"Well, nobody’s perfect."

- Some Like It Hot

"No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early."

- Groucho Marx

"If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball."

- Dodgeball

"Try sleeping with a moth if you feel you are too small for a change."

- Dalai Lama

"Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That’s one of my mottos."

- Stanley Hudson

"If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you."

- Billy Wilder

"Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."

- Mark Twain

"The road to success is always in construction."

- Lily Tomlin

"Leadership refers to the art of convincing someone else to do what you want, because he is motivated to."

- Dwight D. Eisenhower

"There are people who will come into your life and pretend that they love you, but they really only need you."

- Uzair Lallmamod

"Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it."

- Tom Lehrer

"Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy."

- Cynthia Nelms

"Friendship can be like peeing on oneself: Everyone can see it but only you feel the warmth it brings."

- Robert Bloch

"Success will bring you the greatest revenge. I believe women should either respond with sarcasm, or success."

- Kangana Ranaut

"It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black."

- Paul Newman

"Well-behaved females rarely make history."

- Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

"I have always wanted to be somebody. But now I realize that I should be more specific."

- Lily Tomlin

"The only by going a little beyond the boundaries of the possible, can you discover the limits that are possible."

- Arthur C. Clarke

"Light travels quicker than sound. This is why people seem brighter than they actually are."

- Steven Wright

"A lie can be halfway around the globe before the truth can have a chance to get its pants up."

- Winston Churchill

"The less you can read, the more you will be able to make a living. That’s one thing about a little education. It makes you ready for the real world of work. The more you know, the more someone owes it to you."

- Will Rogers

"Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?"

- Edward Bergen

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar."

- Drew Carey

"There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full."

- Henry Kissinger

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."

- Douglas Adams

"By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work 12 hours a day."

- Robert Frost

"Ah, yes, divorce … from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet."

- Robin Williams

"If at first you don't succeed, try try again. But then stop, because there's no point in making a fool of yourself."

- KhaoticMess

"I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don’t like?"

- Jean Cocteau

"Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia."

- Charles Schulz

"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is probably not for you"

- Burritozi11a

"Love is the triumph over intelligence over imagination."

- Murphy’s Laws

"All the good ones have been taken."

- Murphy’s Laws

"What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day."

- Phyllis Diller

"When life is giving you lemons, squirt somebody in the eye."

- Cathy Guisewite

"I am so clever, sometimes I don’t understand a word of what I’m saying."

- Oscar Wilde

"He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t."

- Victor Borge

"What is the difference between a tornado in the South and a divorce? Absolutely nothing! Someone’s losing a trailer, number one."

- Robin Williams

"I’m not old enough to know everything."

- Oscar Wilde

"Never delay what you can do tomorrow!"

- Mark Twain

"You can’t have everything. It’s impossible to have everything."

- Steven Wright

"Computers can understand sarcasm better than Americans."

- Geoffrey Hinton

"When life gives you lemons call them yellow limes and sell them for double the price."

- froggojumper

"Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side because it's fake."

- froggojumper

"I can't fuck it up if I don't do it in the first place."

- froggojumper

"The best things in this world are free and well worth every penny."

- Murphy’s Laws

"Don't follow your friends off a bridge; lead them. This would have been my high school yearbook quote, had they accepted it."

- SignificantView1671

"My naturally-born sarcasm can sometimes be a little too much at times, and that’s something I’m not ashamed to admit."

- Tom Bergeron

"Why is it called rush hour when there’s no movement?"

- Robin Williams

"Romance is elegantly defined as the product of fiction and love."

- Benjamin Disraeli

"No one is as dumb as all of us together In my experience, this is the truth. A camel is a horse built by committee."

- SadMacaroon9897

"A man can live happily with any woman if he doesn’t love them."

- Oscar Wilde

"I cannot afford not to spend my time making money."

- Louis Agassiz

"What am I scared of? I’m scared of the same thing that you are: everything."

- George Costanza

"History teaches us that men, nations, and the world behave wisely when they exhaust all other options."

- Abba Eban

"A man in a relationship is not complete until he gets married. Then he’s finished."

- Zsa Zsa Botor

"Women who want to be equal with men are not ambitious."

- Marilyn Monroe

"If you’re going to be thinking, you may as well think big."

- Donald Trump

"I’m not good at giving advice… Can you make a sarcastic comment?"

- Chandler Bing, 'Friends'

"Please. Have mercy. I’ve been wearing the same underwear since Tuesday."

- Planes, Trains and Automobiles

"I’m a bit of a sucker for second chances. They’re my first favorite kind of chance."

- Jessica Day, New Girl

"Politics: ‘Poli’ a Latin word meaning ‘many’; and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures.'"

- Robin Williams

"Your soul is like your appendix—I don’t even use it!"

- Michael Kelso

"I was conscious of a lot if my friends being into things that I wasn’t into. Sarcasm, for example. It was not a part my family. They still don’t use it."

- Kate Bush

"Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese."

- Billie Burke

"I don’t eat meat because I love animals. I eat vegetables because I hate plants."

- Whitney Brown

"Life is just a big bowl of fancy assorted cashews!"

- Patrick Star, SpongeBob SquarePants

"Calamities come in two types: misfortunes to us and good fortune for others."

- Ambrose Bierce

"There are many parking spots that offer a tempting way to succeed on the road to success."

- Will Rogers

"What we feel, think and are determined in large part by our viscera and ductless glands."

- Aldous Huxley

"The problem with her is that she lacks both the power and the speech to communicate."

- George Bernard Shaw

"I don’t enjoy irony or sarcasm. However, I like when someone tells you a joke but then it turns out to be serious."

- Jens Lekman

"Marriage is a romantic relationship in which the heroine dies within the first chapter."

- Cecilia Egan

"I’m a bit sassy with some sarcasm, but I’m also stoic at times – and brash."

- Mike Daniels

"Don't forget, you're here forever"

- bife_de_lomo

"Do it for her."

- OfficeChairHero

"Can I have one of your puppies if you ever become a mom?"

- Charles Pierce

"People you hate are like slinkys they're not good for anything but you cracked a smile when you push them down a flight of stairs."

- froggojumper

"We suffer from too much sarcasm."

- Marianne Moore

"A diamond is simply a lump of coal that performed well under pressure."

- Anonymous

"Life is too short. Smile while you have teeth."

- Anonymous

"Always give 100%, except when you’re giving blood."

- Anonymous

"You want to get out of the hole? First you’re going to have to put down the shovel."

"I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words."

"What doesn’t kill you gives you a set of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humor."

- Anonymous

"I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life."

- Anonymous

"Experience is the name many people give their mistakes."

- Anonymous

"Well, at least your mom thinks you’re pretty."

- Anonymous

"Find your patience before you lose mine."

- Anonymous

"No matter how terrible it gets, I’m always rich in the dollar store."

- Anonymous

"I look at all these moms who are able to do everything and I think… “I should have them do some of the things I need.”"

- Anonymous

"My attitude during exams. They give me questions I don’t know. I give them answers they don’t know."

- Anonymous

"Yes, I walked out mid-conversation. You were bored to death, and my survival instincts kicked into high gear."

- Anonymous

"I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I thought you knew everything."

- Anonymous

"It's never too late to give up."

"The early worm gets eaten."

"Whenever I’m about to give up, I remind myself the world would be a better place without me and I simply cannot let that happen."

"I can resist all temptations except temptation."

- Anonymous

"Trying is the first step to failing!"

"Be the reason someone smiles today…or the reason they drink. Anything works."

- Anonymous

"Let’s share, you’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin."

- Anonymous

"If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me."

"If I had a dollar for every clever thing you said. I’ll be poor."

- Anonymous

"Spend your entire life doing weird things with weird people."

- Anonymous

"It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has the same taste."

- Anonymous

"Flawsome: Adj. Individual who is open to their “flaws” and recognizes that they are amazing."

- Anonymous

"True bonding happens when your friends and you are all mad about the same thing."

- Anonymous

"Zombies eat brains. You’re safe."

"There’s no better vacation than my boss being on vacation."

- Anonymous

"I'm not a control freak. I just know what's best for everyone."

"I'd rather be someone's shot of vodka than everyone's cup of tea."

"I'm not a morning person. Or an afternoon person. Or an evening person."

"Because, obviously, you've cracked the code to the universe's secrets."

"I'm not a rule-breaker, I'm a rule-bender."

"I'm not old, I'm vintage."

"Oops, sorry! I think I spilled a little attitude on you; let me clean that up."

"Because, of course, your way is always the best way."

"I don't need your approval, darling, I have my own."

"Go ahead and underestimate me. That'll be fun."

"I'm not a procrastinator, I'm just extremely productive at unimportant things."

"Some are born with natural beauty, others are born for Instagram filters."

"I must remember to consult you before forming any opinions of my own. How foolish of me."

"I'm not weird, I'm limited edition."

"I'm not a morning person, I'm a coffee person."

"Congratulations, you've officially earned your badge of mediocrity."

"Well, isn't that just the most fascinating thing I've ever heard?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize my existence was inconveniencing you."

"Tell me why you're so salty, peanut."

"I don't make the rules, I just play the game better than you do."

"If I'm too much, go find less."

"Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn't even listening."

"Wow, I'm positively dazzled by your talent for stating the obvious."

"Oh, what a revelation! You should write a book... or at least a tweet."

"Please, share more of your pearls of wisdom with us mere mortals."

"I'm not clumsy, I'm just on a mission to test gravity."

"Because clearly, you're the chosen one destined to lead us to greatness."

"Please, bless us with more of your extraordinary expertise."

"Oh, what a brilliant insight, why didn't I think of that?"

"Because, obviously, you're the expert on every subject under the sun."