50+ Ironic Inspirational Quotes That Will Make You Laugh and Think

"If you’re going through hell, keep going."

- Winston Churchill

"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age."

- Lucille Ball

"A diamond is simply a lump of coal that performed well under pressure."

- Anonymous

"Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow anyone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then, by all means, follow that path."

- Ellen DeGeneres

"Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible!'"

- Audrey Hepburn

"Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first."

- Mark Twain

"Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise, we’re going down the tube."

- Joan Rivers

"Before he created the electric light, Edison had failed 10,000 times. Don’t let failure discourage you."

- Napoleon Hill

"If anything can go wrong, it will."

- Murphy’s Laws

"My favorite thing to do on this planet is to play games. And if you don’t enjoy games, then you’re really missing the point of what this life is."

- RuPaul

"My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already."

- Dave Barry

"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade, and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."

- Ron White

"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough."

- Mae West

"Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work."

- Robert Orben

"Some people see things that are and ask, ‘Why?’ Some people dream of things that never were and ask, ‘Why not?’ Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that."

- George Carlin

"If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock."

- Claude MacDonald

"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."

- Vince Lombardi

"Whatever you do, always give 100% — unless you’re donating blood."

- Bill Murray

"Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it."

- Katharine Whitehorn

"Be like a postage stamp; stick to one thing until you get there."

- Josh Billings

"Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, some don’t turn up at all."

- Sam Ewing

"Hustle until your haters ask if you’re hiring."

- Steve Maraboli

"The difference between try and triumph is just a little umph!"

- Marvin Phillips

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

- Ferris Bueller

"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men."

- Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

"Why, sometimes I’ve believed six impossible things before breakfast."

- Alice in Wonderland

"My mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get."

- Forrest Gump

"I learned a long time ago that worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere."

- Van Wilder, National Lampoon’s Van Wilder

"Just keep swimming."

- Finding Nemo

"A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it’s the only weapon we have."

- Roger Rabbit, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

"Today is a good day to try."

- The Hunchback of Notre Dame

"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."

- Elbert Hubbard

"Life is hard. After all, it kills you."

- Katharine Hepburn

"The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me."

- Ayn Rand

"A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain."

- Graham Norton

"I have noticed that even people who claim everything is predetermined and that we can do nothing to change it look before they cross the road."

- Stephen Hawking

"When you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em, ‘Certainly I can!’ Then get busy and find out how to do it."

- Theodore Roosevelt

"Confidence is 10% hard work and 90% delusion."

- Tina Fey

"The road to success is always under construction."

- Lily Tomlin

"I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong."

- Russell Lynes

"Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid."

- John Wayne

"When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?'"

- Sydney J. Harris

"To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone."

- Reba McEntire

"A lie can be halfway around the globe before the truth can have a chance to get its pants up."

- Winston Churchill

"Some cause happiness everywhere they go, others wherever they go."

- Oscar Wilde

"Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?"

- Edward Bergen

"If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer."

- Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

"If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you."

- Billy Wilder

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar."

- Drew Carey

"Well, nobody’s perfect."

- Some Like It Hot

"There are people who will come into your life and pretend that they love you, but they really only need you."

- Uzair Lallmamod

"Always remember that your uniqueness is what you have. Just like everyone else."

- Margaret Mead

"There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full."

- Henry Kissinger

"I do not know what weapons World War III is going to be fought with, but World War IV can be fought with sticks or stones."

- Albert Einstein

"Life is too short. Smile while you have teeth."

- Anonymous

"Friendship can be like peeing on oneself: Everyone can see it but only you feel the warmth it brings."

- Robert Bloch

"The less you can read, the more you will be able to make a living. That’s one thing about a little education. It makes you ready for the real world of work. The more you know, the more someone owes it to you."

- Will Rogers

"Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That’s one of my mottos."

- Stanley Hudson

"Always give 100%, except when you’re giving blood."

- Anonymous

"Listen, smile, accept, and then do what you thought you would do anyway."

- Robert Downey Jr.

"Success is not something you can hide. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?"

- Kin Hubbard

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."

- Douglas Adams

"Most people miss the opportunity because they dress in overalls and pretend to work."

- Thomas Edison

"Plot Twist is the best way to move forward when something goes wrong in life."

- Molly Weis

"Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it."

- Tom Lehrer

"The only by going a little beyond the boundaries of the possible, can you discover the limits that are possible."

- Arthur C. Clarke

"If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball."

- Dodgeball

"The road to success is always in construction."

- Lily Tomlin

"By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work 12 hours a day."

- Robert Frost

"Education is what one does after he has forgotten everything he learned at school."

- Albert Einstein

"The problem with being open-minded is that people will insist on trying to put things in their place."

- Terry Pratchett

"I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life."

- Anonymous

"Experience is the name many people give their mistakes."

- Anonymous

"Try sleeping with a moth if you feel you are too small for a change."

- Dalai Lama

"Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy."

- Cynthia Nelms

"No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early."

- Groucho Marx

"Success will bring you the greatest revenge. I believe women should either respond with sarcasm, or success."

- Kangana Ranaut

"Leadership refers to the art of convincing someone else to do what you want, because he is motivated to."

- Dwight D. Eisenhower

"It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black."

- Paul Newman

"Well-behaved females rarely make history."

- Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

"I have always wanted to be somebody. But now I realize that I should be more specific."

- Lily Tomlin

"Light travels quicker than sound. This is why people seem brighter than they actually are."

- Steven Wright

"What doesn’t kill you gives you a set of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humor."

- Anonymous

"Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."

- Mark Twain

"Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he’s supposed to be doing at that moment."

- Robert Benchley

"Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow."

- Don Herold

"A man can live happily with any woman if he doesn’t love them."

- Oscar Wilde

"I’m not old enough to know everything."

- Oscar Wilde

"All the good ones have been taken."

- Murphy’s Laws

"I look at all these moms who are able to do everything and I think… “I should have them do some of the things I need.”"

- Anonymous

"Computers can understand sarcasm better than Americans."

- Geoffrey Hinton

"Find your patience before you lose mine."

- Anonymous

"I can resist all temptations except temptation."

- Anonymous

"The best things in this world are free and well worth every penny."

- Murphy’s Laws

"Be the reason someone smiles today…or the reason they drink. Anything works."

- Anonymous

"My naturally-born sarcasm can sometimes be a little too much at times, and that’s something I’m not ashamed to admit."

- Tom Bergeron

"Why is it called rush hour when there’s no movement?"

- Robin Williams

"Romance is elegantly defined as the product of fiction and love."

- Benjamin Disraeli

"I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don’t like?"

- Jean Cocteau

"Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia."

- Charles Schulz

"Love is the triumph over intelligence over imagination."

- Murphy’s Laws

"Ah, yes, divorce … from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet."

- Robin Williams

"No matter how terrible it gets, I’m always rich in the dollar store."

- Anonymous

"Well, at least your mom thinks you’re pretty."

- Anonymous

"When life is giving you lemons, squirt somebody in the eye."

- Cathy Guisewite

"My attitude during exams. They give me questions I don’t know. I give them answers they don’t know."

- Anonymous

"I am so clever, sometimes I don’t understand a word of what I’m saying."

- Oscar Wilde

"He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t."

- Victor Borge

"Yes, I walked out mid-conversation. You were bored to death, and my survival instincts kicked into high gear."

- Anonymous

"What is the difference between a tornado in the South and a divorce? Absolutely nothing! Someone’s losing a trailer, number one."

- Robin Williams

"Never delay what you can do tomorrow!"

- Mark Twain

"You can’t have everything. It’s impossible to have everything."

- Steven Wright

"I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I thought you knew everything."

- Anonymous

"When life gives you lemons call them yellow limes and sell them for double the price."

- froggojumper

"Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side because it's fake."

- froggojumper

"I can't fuck it up if I don't do it in the first place."

- froggojumper

"Don't follow your friends off a bridge; lead them. This would have been my high school yearbook quote, had they accepted it."

- SignificantView1671

"No one is as dumb as all of us together In my experience, this is the truth. A camel is a horse built by committee."

- SadMacaroon9897

"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is probably not for you"

- Burritozi11a

"If at first you don't succeed, try try again. But then stop, because there's no point in making a fool of yourself."

- KhaoticMess

"What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day."

- Phyllis Diller

"I don’t eat meat because I love animals. I eat vegetables because I hate plants."

- Whitney Brown

"Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese."

- Billie Burke

"It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has the same taste."

- Anonymous

"Flawsome: Adj. Individual who is open to their “flaws” and recognizes that they are amazing."

- Anonymous

"Calamities come in two types: misfortunes to us and good fortune for others."

- Ambrose Bierce

"There are many parking spots that offer a tempting way to succeed on the road to success."

- Will Rogers

"Women who want to be equal with men are not ambitious."

- Marilyn Monroe

"I’m not good at giving advice… Can you make a sarcastic comment?"

- Chandler Bing, ‘Friends’

"If I had a dollar for every clever thing you said. I’ll be poor."

- Anonymous

"I cannot afford not to spend my time making money."

- Louis Agassiz

"History teaches us that men, nations, and the world behave wisely when they exhaust all other options."

- Abba Eban

"A man in a relationship is not complete until he gets married. Then he’s finished."

- Zsa Zsa Botor

"Politics: ‘Poli’ a Latin word meaning ‘many’; and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures.'"

- Robin Williams

"Spend your entire life doing weird things with weird people."

- Anonymous

"I was conscious of a lot if my friends being into things that I wasn’t into. Sarcasm, for example. It was not a part my family. They still don’t use it."

- Kate Bush

"Let’s share, you’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin."

- Anonymous

"If you’re going to be thinking, you may as well think big."

- Donald Trump

"Please. Have mercy. I’ve been wearing the same underwear since Tuesday."

- Planes, Trains and Automobiles

"Life is just a big bowl of fancy assorted cashews!"

- Patrick Star, SpongeBob SquarePants

"Your soul is like your appendix—I don’t even use it!"

- Michael Kelso

"What am I scared of? I’m scared of the same thing that you are: everything."

- George Costanza

"I’m a bit of a sucker for second chances. They’re my first favorite kind of chance."

- Jessica Day, New Girl

"We suffer from too much sarcasm."

- Marianne Moore

"There’s no better vacation than my boss being on vacation."

- Anonymous

"Can I have one of your puppies if you ever become a mom?"

- Charles Pierce

"I don’t enjoy irony or sarcasm. However, I like when someone tells you a joke but then it turns out to be serious."

- Jens Lekman

"True bonding happens when your friends and you are all mad about the same thing."

- Anonymous

"Do it for her."

- OfficeChairHero

"Don't forget, you're here forever"

- bife_de_lomo

"Marriage is a romantic relationship in which the heroine dies within the first chapter."

- Cecilia Egan

"People you hate are like slinkys they're not good for anything but you cracked a smile when you push them down a flight of stairs."

- froggojumper

"What we feel, think and are determined in large part by our viscera and ductless glands."

- Aldous Huxley

"I’m a bit sassy with some sarcasm, but I’m also stoic at times – and brash."

- Mike Daniels

"The problem with her is that she lacks both the power and the speech to communicate."

- George Bernard Shaw

"I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words."

"You want to get out of the hole? First you’re going to have to put down the shovel."

"It's never too late to give up."

"The early worm gets eaten."

"Whenever I’m about to give up, I remind myself the world would be a better place without me and I simply cannot let that happen."

"Trying is the first step to failing!"

"If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me."

"Zombies eat brains. You’re safe."

"Go ahead and underestimate me. That'll be fun."

"I'm not a procrastinator, I'm just extremely productive at unimportant things."

"Some are born with natural beauty, others are born for Instagram filters."

"I must remember to consult you before forming any opinions of my own. How foolish of me."

"I'm not weird, I'm limited edition."

"I'm not a morning person, I'm a coffee person."

"Congratulations, you've officially earned your badge of mediocrity."

"Well, isn't that just the most fascinating thing I've ever heard?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize my existence was inconveniencing you."

"Tell me why you're so salty, peanut."

"I don't make the rules, I just play the game better than you do."

"If I'm too much, go find less."

"Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn't even listening."

"Wow, I'm positively dazzled by your talent for stating the obvious."

"Oh, what a revelation! You should write a book... or at least a tweet."

"Please, share more of your pearls of wisdom with us mere mortals."

"I'm not a control freak. I just know what's best for everyone."

"I'm not clumsy, I'm just on a mission to test gravity."

"Because clearly, you're the chosen one destined to lead us to greatness."

"Please, bless us with more of your extraordinary expertise."

"Oh, what a brilliant insight, why didn't I think of that?"

"Because, obviously, you're the expert on every subject under the sun."

"I'd rather be someone's shot of vodka than everyone's cup of tea."

"I'm not a morning person. Or an afternoon person. Or an evening person."

"Because, obviously, you've cracked the code to the universe's secrets."

"I'm not a rule-breaker, I'm a rule-bender."

"I'm not old, I'm vintage."

"Oops, sorry! I think I spilled a little attitude on you; let me clean that up."

"Because, of course, your way is always the best way."

"I don't need your approval, darling, I have my own."