Family Quotes

""If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?""

- Milton Berle

""I asked my son to help cook. Now we're eating burnt toast and pride.""

- Reese Witherspoon

""If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, 'keep away from children'.""

- Susan Savannah

"By the time the 40-plus guests arrive at my home in Washington on the evening of April 6 and are seated around the mismatched tables and chairs, I will let out a deep sigh of relief. I will also probably get chills, knowing that I’m following what was written in the Bible more than 2,500 years ago."

- Joan Nathan

"Every Jewish family produces a unique version of the Passover seder—the big ritual meal of traditional foods, served after and amid liturgy, storytelling, and song. We’re all surprised at each other’s customs: ‘You eat lamb? You don’t sing ‘Chad Gad Ya’? And yet, virtually every seder does share a few common elements. Matzoh crumbs all over the floor. Wine stains on the tablecloth. A seder plate containing the traditional symbols of the holiday: a roasted shank bone and hardboiled egg, recalling the days of the Temple sacrifices; horseradish and salt water for the bitterness of oppression; parsley for spring; haroset, a mixture of wine, nuts, and fruit symbolizing mortar and the heavy labor performed by the Israelite slaves…"

- Anita Diamant, Pitching My Tent

"Among the many meals of the spiritual year, the evening meal of the Passover at which the father of the household gathers together all his family is the meal of meals… The father of the family speaks, the household listens, and only in the further course of the evening is there more and more common independence until, in the songs of praise and the table songs of the second part of the meal, songs which float between divine mystery and the jesting mood begot by wine, the last shred of autocracy in the order of the meal dissolves into community."

- Franz Rosenzweig, as translated by Francis C. Golffing

"We sit around the table in our small dining room, fifteen of us –sometimes more—all the room will hold. We are crowded together and anyone getting out of his or her seat has to inconvenience several other people, but everyone seems jolly about the close quarters. After we have finished the haggadah, we sit around the table stuffed and happy and tell jokes. Everyone tries to come up with new jokes for the seder, including the kids. Some of us are great natural comics, but some, like me, cannot remember a joke unless we write it down. I think I have mastered a total of six jokes in my lifetime, and that could be an overestimate. Finally we have coffee and people slowly drift out into the night."

- Marge Piercy, Pesach for the Rest of Us

"Pesach without children is like a cantor without a song, like an actor without any lines, or a storyteller without an audience."

- Joe Bobker, And You Thought There Were Only Four: 400 Questions to Make Your Seder Enlightening, Educational and Enjoyable

"My seder survival tactics boil down to a few basics. Make a list. Follow it. Always accept help when offered. And remember to create your own family traditions."

- Joan Nathan

"Growing up, I've enjoyed hunting with my father."

- Dale Earnhardt

"My mother’s love has always been a sustaining force for our family, and one of my greatest joys is seeing her integrity, her compassion, her intelligence reflected in my daughters."

- Michelle Obama

"Sunday! A family day with a touch of weekend thrown in for good measure."

- Anthony T. Hincks

"Family is not an important thing. It’s everything. – Michael J. Fox"

- Michael J. Fox

""I gave my son life, and he gave me gray hair.""

""I told my son to clean his room, and now he's calling me 'the warden.'""

""My son's idea of helping is eating the cookies I just baked.""

""I asked my son why he didn't do his homework. He said, 'Mom, I'm saving my brain for video games.'""

""My son thinks I'm a ATM with a hug button.""

""I love my son, but some days I think he's plotting to make me lose my mind.""

""My son said, 'You're the best mom ever,' then asked for $20.""

""I told my son to take out the trash, and he said, 'But it's my emotional support garbage!'""

""Raising a son is like wrestling a bear who loves you.""

""I asked my son why he's so loud. He said, 'To keep you young, Mom!'""

""Son, you've always been the apple of my eye, but remember, even apples fall from trees sometimes!""

""Sometimes, I wonder if you're really my son. And then you leave the fridge open, and I remember - Ah, yes, you're mine!""

""My children are the reason I wake up each morning, and the reason I'm late every day.""

"Saturday is perfect for family, friends, and reflection."

"Saturdays are for family time, laughter, and making memories that last a lifetime."

"As you bask in the beauty of this Saturday, may you be surrounded by the love of family and friends."

"Family is where kindness begins"