Aspirations Quotes

"From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents. From eighteen to thirty-five, she needs good looks. From thirty-five to fifty-five, she needs a good personality. From fifty-five on, she needs good cash."

- Sophie Tucker

"Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative."

- Maurice Chevalier

"You’ve heard of the three ages of man: Youth, middle age, and you’re looking wonderful."

- Cardinal Spellman

"Like many women my age, I am 28 years old."

- Mary Schmich

"Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs."

- Kin Hubbard

"If anyone calls you old, hit them with your cane and throw your teeth at them!"

"Yes, we have reached that age… when every compliment we get is usually followed by ‘for your age’. You’re still looking great though… for your age!"

"As you get older, three things happen. The first thing is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two."

"Congratulations! You are now old enough to need TWO packs of candles for your cake."

"We all knew this day was coming. It’s best to just suck it up and accept it’s no longer acceptable for you to eat a happy meal in public."

"Don’t worry about your age… alcohol will make it all better!"

"I will stop making age jokes on your birthday now… you’ve reached the age where it’s genuinely not funny anymore."

"Just remember the more candles on the cake, the bigger the cake you’ll get! Now who’s laughing?"

"Another year older and you’re one step closer to getting those Velcro shoes!"

"Remember that age is just a number… just a really, REALLY high one in your case!"

"I regret to inform you that your childhood has EXPIRED."

"Happy birthday! Let’s celebrate the first time you cried naked in someone else’s bed…"

"I hope you have a happy annual celebration of escaping from your mum’s uterus. I wish that you may never again have to return to your dark underwater prison."

"Birthdays are like bogeys. The more you have, the harder it is to breathe!"

"I hope your birthday is better than walking through a fart with your mouth open."

"Since it’s your birthday, I’ll let you leave the lights on."

"May your day be more beautiful than a unicorn farting rainbows."

"I hope you celebrate your birthday the way you came into this world, naked and screaming!"

"Some say that age is just a number. I say that’s bullsh**. I mean, you’re getting really old. Happy birthday anyway."

"Happy birthday… congratulations on now being of the age where understand the horror of waking yourself up with your own fart!"

"You might be old, but you’re still a d***."

"Older and wiser… but still a bit of a pr***."

"I didn’t know where to start on your birthday present so I thought I’d trawl the internet. After a couple of hours, I found some really good stuff. But then I remembered I was supposed to be finding you a birthday present and it was too late. Sorry!"

"Have a mucking farvellous birthday!"

"Some things are better with age. Too bad you aren’t one of them."