Jay Leno

"Today is Valentine's Day—or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!"

- Jay Leno

"You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out."

- Jay Leno

"Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?"

- Jay Leno

"New Year’s Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive."

- Jay Leno