"Love is like a game of chess. Except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome."

- Jerry Seinfeld

"You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out."

- Jerry Seinfeld

"Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic: you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner."

- Jerry Seinfeld

"I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy."

- Jerry Seinfeld

"Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV."

- Jerry Seinfeld