Jarod Kintz

""I travel light but not at the same speed.""

- Jarod Kintz

"Be like a butterfly and a flower—beautiful and sought after, yet unassuming and gentle."

- Jarod Kintz

"You gotta run more than your mouth to escape the treadmill of mediocrity. A true hustler jogs during the day, and sleepwalks at night."

- Jarod Kintz

"Laughter is the sound of the soul dancing."

- Jarod Kintz

"I like my relationships like I like my eggs — over easy."

- Jarod Kintz

"Why miss a SALE at twenty dollars, when people will buy at $19.95? I’ve found that the opportunity to save that nickel really makes people say YES to buying a NEW duck."

- Jarod Kintz

"Goodbyes, they often come in waves."

- Jarod Kintz

"If I could lick the sunset, I'll bet it would taste like Neapolitan ice cream."

- Jarod Kintz

"I design, manufacture, distribute, and sell elevator buttons. I specialize in the fourth floor. And I don’t mean to brag, but I’m such a good salesman that I could sell one of my fourth-floor elevator buttons to the owner of a three-story building. … My motto in life: You can’t push my buttons if you don’t buy them."

- Jarod Kintz

"I design, manufacture, distribute, and sell elevator buttons. I specialize in the fourth floor. And I don’t mean to brag, but I’m such a good salesman that I could sell one of my fourth-floor elevator buttons to the owner of a three-story building."

- Jarod Kintz

"If I tell you I want to be a door-to-door salesman, don’t knock it."

- Jarod Kintz

"Opportunity seldom rises with blood pressure."

- Jarod Kintz

"When I was young, I loved summer and hated winter. When I got older I loved winter and hated summer. Now that I’m even older, and wiser, I hate both summer and winter."

- Jarod Kintz

"We’ll make plans on sticky notes and we’ll stick to them. We’ll get married, but only after we buy some milk, cereal, and a book of baby names."

- Jarod Kintz

"I’m world famous. Throughout the globe—north, south, east, and west — there are literally four people who know my name. It’s great to have all four grandparents still living, and widely dispersed around the world."

- Jarod Kintz

"When congratulations are in order, I like to wait until they’re out of order to offer a high five or enthusiastic pat on the back."

- Jarod Kintz

"Every leap year, I like to jump. It’s a good way to get my exercise in every four years."

- Jarod Kintz

"Why does Joe Normie think it’s a litmus test for morality if one returns one’s shopping cart? Big-box stores put out of business local retailers, they automated their systems to reduce employees, and they got customers to be their own cashiers without getting paid for their labor, and yet to prove I’m a good person, I’m supposed to do more unpaid work for them to streamline their operation?"

- Jarod Kintz

"If I could lick the sunset, I’ll bet it would taste like Neapolitan ice cream."

- Jarod Kintz

"From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge."

- Jarod Kintz