The Wisdom of Ron Swanson: 20 Inspirational Quotes to Live By

"Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing."

- Ron Swanson

"If you don’t believe in love, what’s the point of living?"

- Ron Swanson

"I regret nothing. The end."

- Ron Swanson

"You chose a thankless job, you can’t be upset when nobody thanks you. Don't start chasing applause and acclaim. That way lies madness."

- Ron Swanson

"The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am."

- Ron Swanson

"Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that."

- Ron Swanson

"Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish… and feed yourself. He’s a grown man. And fishing’s not that hard."

- Ron Swanson

"That is a canvas sheet—the most versatile object known to man. It can be used to make tents, backpacks, shoes, stretchers, sails, tarpaulins, and I suppose, in the most dire of circumstances, it can be a surface on which to make art."

- Ron Swanson

"Don’t start chasing applause and acclaim. That way lies madness."

- Ron Swanson

"History began on July 4, 1776. Everything that happened before that was a mistake."

- Ron Swanson

"If any of you need anything at all, too bad. Deal with your problems yourselves, like adults."

- Ron Swanson

"I also think it’s pointless for a human to paint scenes of nature when they can just go outside and stand in it."

- Ron Swanson

"Live your life how you want, but don’t confuse drama with happiness."

- Ron Swanson

"I’d wish you the best of luck but I believe luck is a concept created by the weak to explain their failures."

- Ron Swanson

"There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that is lying about being milk."

- Ron Swanson

"I love being a father but there are a few things I miss: Silence. The absence of noise."

- Ron Swanson

"There is only one bad word: taxes."

- Ron Swanson

"The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples."

- Ron Swanson

"I work hard to make sure my department is as small and as ineffective as possible."

- Ron Swanson

"Crying: Acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon."

- Ron Swanson

"Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons."

- Ron Swanson

"Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something."

- Ron Swanson

"There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger."

- Ron Swanson

"One rage every three months is permitted. Try not to hurt anyone who doesn’t deserve it."

- Ron Swanson

"I would rather bleed out than sit here and talk about my feelings for 10 mins."

- Ron Swanson

"I think that all government is a waster of taxpayer money. My dream is to have the park system privatized and run entirely by for-profit corporations, like Chuck E. Cheese."

- Ron Swanson

"Saltwater will warp the wood, so keep your tears in your eyes where they belong."

- Ron Swanson

"Friends: one to three is sufficient."

- Ron Swanson

"I prefer quality over flash -- that’s why I refuse to write my signature in cursive."

- Ron Swanson

"It’s always a good idea to demonstrate to your coworkers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain."

- Ron Swanson

"When I eat, it is the food that is scared."

- Ron Swanson

"I prefer quality over flash – that’s why I refuse to write my signature in cursive."

- Ron Swanson

"I call this turf ‘n’ turf. It’s a 16-ounce T-bone and 24-ounce porterhouse. Also, whiskey and a cigar."

- Ron Swanson

"I have never lied about anything in my life. Though, I suppose you could construe camouflage as a lie."

- Ron Swanson

"My idea of a perfect government is one guy who sits in a small room at a desk, and the only thing he’s allowed to decide is who to nuke."

- Ron Swanson

"I don’t want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief."

- Ron Swanson

"Creativity is for people with glasses who like to lie."

- Ron Swanson

"I don’t want to paint with a broad brush here,"