"Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing."
- Ron Swanson
Determination
"If you don’t believe in love, what’s the point of living?"
Love
"I regret nothing. The end."
Contentment
"You chose a thankless job, you can’t be upset when nobody thanks you. Don't start chasing applause and acclaim. That way lies madness."
Motivation
"The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am."
Happiness
"Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that."
"Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish… and feed yourself. He’s a grown man. And fishing’s not that hard."
Empowerment
"That is a canvas sheet—the most versatile object known to man. It can be used to make tents, backpacks, shoes, stretchers, sails, tarpaulins, and I suppose, in the most dire of circumstances, it can be a surface on which to make art."
Creativity
"Don’t start chasing applause and acclaim. That way lies madness."
"History began on July 4, 1776. Everything that happened before that was a mistake."
Philosophy
"If any of you need anything at all, too bad. Deal with your problems yourselves, like adults."
Responsibility
"I also think it’s pointless for a human to paint scenes of nature when they can just go outside and stand in it."
Connection to Earth
"Live your life how you want, but don’t confuse drama with happiness."
"I’d wish you the best of luck but I believe luck is a concept created by the weak to explain their failures."
Belief
"There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that is lying about being milk."
Honesty
"I love being a father but there are a few things I miss: Silence. The absence of noise."
Family
"There is only one bad word: taxes."
"The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples."
Integrity
"I work hard to make sure my department is as small and as ineffective as possible."
Efficiency
"Crying: Acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon."
Awareness
"Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons."
Leadership
"Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something."
Fitness
"There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger."
"One rage every three months is permitted. Try not to hurt anyone who doesn’t deserve it."
Empathy
"I would rather bleed out than sit here and talk about my feelings for 10 mins."
Courage
"I think that all government is a waster of taxpayer money. My dream is to have the park system privatized and run entirely by for-profit corporations, like Chuck E. Cheese."
"Saltwater will warp the wood, so keep your tears in your eyes where they belong."
Inner Peace
"Friends: one to three is sufficient."
Relationships
"I prefer quality over flash -- that’s why I refuse to write my signature in cursive."
"It’s always a good idea to demonstrate to your coworkers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain."
Strength
"When I eat, it is the food that is scared."
"I prefer quality over flash – that’s why I refuse to write my signature in cursive."
"I call this turf ‘n’ turf. It’s a 16-ounce T-bone and 24-ounce porterhouse. Also, whiskey and a cigar."
Joy
"I have never lied about anything in my life. Though, I suppose you could construe camouflage as a lie."
"My idea of a perfect government is one guy who sits in a small room at a desk, and the only thing he’s allowed to decide is who to nuke."
"I don’t want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief."
Adversity
"Creativity is for people with glasses who like to lie."
Originality
"I don’t want to paint with a broad brush here,"
