65 Inspirational and Funny Work Quotes to Brighten Your Day

"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by."

- Douglas Adams

"Sometimes I feel like everyone I work with is an idiot. And by sometimes I mean all times. All the time. Every of the time!"

- Kevin Malone

"Talent wins games but teamwork and intelligence wins championships."

- Michael Jordan

"No matter how brilliant your mind or strategy, if you’re playing a solo game, you’ll always lose out to a team."

- Reid Hoffman

"Tough times don’t last, tough teams do"

- Robert Schuller

"Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit."

- George Carlin

"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important."

- Bertrand Russell

"If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together."

- African Proverb

"No man goes before his time — unless the boss leaves early."

- Groucho Marx

"If it’s a good script I’ll do it. And if it’s a bad script, and they pay me enough, I’ll do it."

- George Burns

"I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around."

- Homer Simpson

"If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants."

- Sir Isaac Newton

"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."

- Charles Lamb

"Individually, we are one drop. Together, we are an ocean."

- Ryunosuke Satoro

"Coming together is a beginning, staying together is progress, and working together is success."

- Henry Ford

"What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day."

- Phyllis Diller

"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader."

- President John Quincy Adams

"It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you."

- Dwight D. Eisenhower

"Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible’"

- Audrey Hepburn

"If everyone is moving forward together, then success takes care of itself."

- Henry Ford

"The strength of the team is each member. The strength of each member is the team."

- Phil Jackson

"When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'"

- Don Marquis

"The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty."

- Winston Churchill

"It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit."

- Harry S Truman

"The only way to achieve the impossible is to believe it is possible."

- Charles Kingsleigh

"The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… One step at a time."

- Joe Girard

"Great things in business are never done by one person. They’re done by a team of people."

- Steve Jobs

"None of us are as smart as all of us."

- Ken Blanchard

"People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily."

- Zig Ziglar

"You need to be aware of what others are doing, applaud their efforts, acknowledge their successes, and encourage them in their pursuits. When we all help one another, everybody wins."

- Jim Stovall

"It is the long history of humankind (and animal kind, too) that those who learned to collaborate and improvise most effectively have prevailed."

- Charles Darwin

"None of us, including me, ever do great things. But we can all do small things, with great love, and together we can do something wonderful."

- Mother Teresa

"If you take out the team in teamwork, it’s just work. Now who wants that?"

- Matthew Woodring Stover

"Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers."

- Homer Simpson

"They’re about to announce the lottery numbers."

- Homer Simpson

"If you think your boss is stupid, remember: You wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter."

- John Gotti

"Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say."

- Andy Stanley

"By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work 12 hours a day."

- Robert Frost

"Diamonds are nothing more than chunks of coal that stuck to their jobs."

- Malcolm Forbes

"Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it half-assed. That’s the American way."

- Homer Simpson

"Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it."

- Tom Lehrer

"If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito."

- Dalai Lama

"Go as far as you can see, when you get there you’ll be able to see further."

- Thomas Carlyle

"Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door."

- Kyle Chandler

"No one can whistle a symphony. It takes a whole orchestra to play it."

- H.E. Luccock

"Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well."

- Mark Twain

"Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers."

- Homer Simpson

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."

- Napoleon Bonaparte

"The ratio of We’s to I’s is the best indicator of the development of a team."

- Lewis B. Ergen

"Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas."

- Paula Poundstone

"It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up."

- Muhammad Ali

"Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?"

- J. Paul Getty

"Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock."

- Pablo Picasso

"There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?"

- Kin Hubbard

"There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting."

- David Letterman

"By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day."

- Robert Frost

"The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one."

- Oscar Wilde

"I will always choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it."

- Bill Gates

"Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better."

- Maya Angelou

"Create the highest, grandest vision possible for your life because you become what you believe."

- Oprah Winfrey

"You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great."

- Zig Ziglar

"Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life."

- Mark Twain

"Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there."

- Will Rogers

"People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing, that’s why we recommend it daily."

- Zig Ziglar

"Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties."

- Doug Larson

"Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom."

- Terry Pratchett

"Someday is not a day of the week."

- Janet Dailey

"The dictionary is the only place that success comes before work."

- Vince Lombardi Jr.

"When you play, play hard; when you work, don’t play at all."

- Theodore Roosevelt

"Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get."

- Ray Kroc

"Talent is cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented individual from the successful one is a lot of hard work."

- Stephen King

"Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first."

- Mark Twain

"You will never plough a field if you only turn it over in your mind."

- Irish Proverb

"The difference between greed and ambition is a greedy person desires things he isn’t prepared to work for."

- Habeeb Akande

"The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen."

- Sarah Brown

"Hard work keeps the wrinkles out of the mind and spirit."

- Helena Rubinstein

"I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying."

- Oscar Wilde

"Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway."

- Robert Downey Jr.

"Life is hard. After all, it kills you."

- Katharine Hepburn

"Your most important work is always ahead of you, never behind you."

- Stephen Covey

"Criticism is the best sign you’re onto something."

- Michael Lopp

"There’s power in looking silly and not caring that you do."

- Amy Poehler

"Minds are like parachutes. They only function when open."

- Frank Zappa

"Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back."

- Oscar Wilde

"Don’t be so humble — you are not that great."

- Golda Meir

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes."

- Jack Handey

"I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book."

- Groucho Marx

"The best revenge is massive success."

- Frank Sinatra

"I am an early bird and a night owl... so I am wise and I have worms."

- Michael Scott

"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."

- Dolly Parton

"If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman."

- Margaret Thatcher

"People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily."

- Zig Ziglar

"Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat."

- Harry Emerson Fosdick

"I’m in shape. Round is a shape."

- George Carlin

"My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already."

- Dave Barry

"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home."

- Phyllis Diller

"It ain’t over til it’s over."

- Yogi Berra

"A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain."

- Graham Norton

"Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood."

- Bill Murray

"When life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade and then try to find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."

- Ron White

"To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone."

- Reba McEntire

"There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about."

- Oscar Wilde

"A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright."

- Lucille Ball

"If you’re going through hell, keep going."

- Winston Churchill

"Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them."

- Dick Van Dyke

"We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public."

- Bryan White

"Even a stopped clock is right twice every day."

- Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

"As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two."

- Norman Wisdom

"A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory."

- Mark Twain

"The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept."

- George Carlin

"People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys."

- Mike Bechtle

"You grow up the day you have your first real laugh — at yourself."

- Ethel Barrymore

"If you can’t be kind, at least be vague."

- Judith Martin

"It is useless to try to hold a person to anything he says while he’s madly in love, drunk, or running for office."

- Shirley MacLaine

"Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’"

- Steven Wright

"Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!"

- Charlie Brown

"People waste their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I just drink whatever’s in the glass."

- Sophia Petrillo

"The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true."

- James Branch Cabell

"Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well."

- Mark Twain

"I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong."

- Benjamin Franklin

"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces."

- Will Rogers

"Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia."

- Charles Schulz

"I’m not crazy — I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 40 years."

- Ouiser Boudreaux

"Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese."

- Billie Burke

"I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it."

- Mae West

"My mother always used to say, ‘The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.’"

- Rose Nylund

"A peacock that rests on his tail feathers is just another turkey."

- Dolly Parton

"If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck."

- Elvis Presley

"I cannot afford to waste my time making money."

- Louis Agassiz

"It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong."

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

"Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger."

- Franklin P. Jones

"If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping in a room with a mosquito."

- Dalai Lama

"Whoever said that money can’t buy happiness, simply didn’t know where to go shopping."

- Bo Derek

"No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early."

- Groucho Marx

"Show me a man who is a good loser, and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss."

- Jim Murray

"I will always choose a lazy person to do a hard job because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it."

- Bill Gates

"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."

- Lily Tomlin

"Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work."

- Robert Orben

"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."

- Vince Lombardi

"Doing nothing is very hard to do…you never know when you’re finished."

- Leslie Nielsen

"On this team, we're all united in a common goal: to keep my job."

- Lou Holtz

"You think it’s dumb when someone says there’s no ‘I’ in team, but you stick one in there and you see how dumb that looks."

- Brendan Kiely

"Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself."

- Stephen Hawking

"Live each day like it’s your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night."

- Jason Love

"Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes."

- Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work."

- Thomas Edison

"It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous."

- Robert Benchley

"Doing nothing is very hard to do; you never know when you’re finished."

- Leslie Nielsen

"Beware of any enterprise requiring new clothes."

- Henry Thoreau

"All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind."

- Aristotle

"Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes."

- Lewis Grizzard

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."

- Douglas Adams

"Aim low, reach your goals, and avoid disappointment."

- Dilbert

"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office."

- Robert Frost

"My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job."

- Ted Turner

"There’s an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job."

- Peter Drucker

"If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style."

- Quentin Crisp

"Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?"

- Edward Bergen

"Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed."

- George Burns

"If you would like to know the value of money, try to borrow some."

- Benjamin Franklin

"Success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things."

- TS Eliot

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."

- Drew Carey

"Leave enough time unscheduled; anyone in a decision-making position should, as a rule, schedule no more than half his time."

- Peter Drucker

"I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend than be one."

- Clarence Darrow

"If you think you are too small to make a difference, you haven’t spent a night with a mosquito."

- African proverb

"An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field."

- Leo Durocher

"The difference between ‘try’ and ‘triumph’ is just a little umph!"

- Marvin Phillips

"The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished."

- Groucho Marx

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."

- Elbert Hubbard

"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The world of the future is in our making. Tomorrow is now."

- Eleanor Roosevelt

"Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence."

- Helen Keller

"Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value."

- Albert Einstein

"It is very rare or almost impossible that an event can be negative from all points of view."

- Dalai Lama

"If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you."

- Steven Wright

"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them."

- Henry David Thoreau

"The road to success is always under construction."

- Lily Tomlin

"The best computer is a man, and it’s the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labour."

- Wernher von Braun

"I choose a lazy person to do a hard job because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it."

- Bill Gates

"If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock."

- Claude MacDonald

"The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits."

- Albert Einstein

"I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail."

- Abraham Maslow

"People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day."

- Winnie the Pooh

"If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative."

- Woody Allen

"Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment."

- Rita Mae Brown

"Make sure you have a vice president in charge of your revolution, to engender ferment among your more conventional colleagues."

- David Ogilvy

"I’m not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues."

- Franklin D. Roosevelt

"Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure."

- Earl Wilson

"Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake."

- Savielly Tartakower

"Success and failure are both difficult to endure. Along with success come drugs, divorce, fornication, bullying, travel, meditation, medication, depression, neurosis and suicide. With failure comes failure."

- Joseph Heller

"You never become a howling success by just howling."

- Bob Harrington

"If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter."

- John Gotti

"Don’t stay in bed unless you can make money in bed."

- George Burns

"Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties."

- Doug Larson

"Every man has a right to be conceited until he is successful."

- Benjamin Disraeli

"Right now, this is a job. If I advance any higher, this would be my career. And if this were my career, I’d have to throw myself in front of a train."

- The Office

"Why join the navy if you can be a pirate?"

- Steve Jobs

"The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse."

- Denise Miller

"Bad decisions make good stories."

- Ellis Vidler

"Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it."

- Andrew Young

"The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of its behind."

- Joseph Stilwell

"Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle."

"Climbing the corporate ladder: fueled by coffee, sustained by humor."

"Work: where your dreams of taking a nap are often interrupted by success."

"Achieving success is like hitting the ‘snooze’ button – it buys you a little more time, but eventually, you have to face the day."

"Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day. But I wasn’t on that project."

"Remember, you’re not truly successful until your Google calendar looks like a game of Tetris."

"The road to success is always under construction, complete with detours, roadblocks, and annoying coworkers who don’t use their turn signals."

"Success is having the full trust of your pet to not eat your lunch while you’re on a conference call."

"Achieving success is a lot like getting lost in the forest: you’re halfway there when you start to question all your life choices."

"Without hard work, nothing grows but weeds."

"If at first you don’t succeed, try management."

"Co-workers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright."

"Our manager treats deadlines like recommendations rather than requirements."

"My boss practices ‘open door policy’ – open to all, but enters none."

"Inspirational emails from the boss: proof that spam comes from within the company too."

"If confusion was a management style, our boss would be a guru."

"Our boss’s favorite project is moving goalposts."

"I used up all my sick leave, so I called in dead."

"Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss’s job."

"Failure is not falling down, but refusing to get up"

"Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels."

"My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck."

- Unknown

"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."

"Failure is not an option-it comes bundled with the software."