Hilarious and Heartwarming: 25 Funny Thanksgiving Quotes to Inspire Gratitude

"Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough."

- Oprah Winfrey

"When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around."

- Willie Nelson

"I've got plenty to be thankful for. No private car, no caviar, no carpet on my floor. Still I've got plenty to be thankful for."

- Irving Berlin

"When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself."

- Tecumseh

"I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car."

- Stephen Colbert

"I am grateful for what I am and have. My thanksgiving is perpetual."

- Henry David Thoreau

"Thanksgiving is one of my favorite days of the year because it reminds us to give thanks and to count our blessings. Suddenly, so many things become so little when we realize how blessed and lucky we are."

- Theodore Roosevelt

"I am happy because I'm grateful. I choose to be grateful. That gratitude allows me to be happy."

- Amy Leigh Mercree

"Turkey for me, turkey for you. Let's eat the turkey in my big brown shoe."

- Adam Sandler

"Thanksgiving ... that is all about overeating. One of the main dishes is actually called ‘stuffing.’ Stuffing? What names did they turn down? ‘Cram-it-in?’ ‘Eat-till-you-can’t-breathe?’"

- Jim Gaffigan

"What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?"

- Erma Bombeck

"Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received. Thankfulness is the natural impulse to express that feeling. Thanksgiving is the following of that impulse."

- Henry van Dyke

"What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?"

- Erma Bombeck

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."

- John F. Kennedy

"You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out."

- Jay Leno

"There is no such thing as fun for the whole family."

- Jerry Seinfeld

"The thankful receiver bears a plentiful harvest."

- William Blake

"I like football. I find it’s an exciting strategic game. It’s a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving."

- Craig Ferguson

"When you practice gratefulness, there is a sense of respect towards others."

- Dalai Lama

"Wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed every corner of your life."

- James E. Faust

"Happy Thanksgiving! This year I’m thankful that your family is so annoying you’re checking Twitter instead of talking to them."

- Stephen Colbert

"Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."

- Marcel Proust

"The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating."

- John Walters

"You know, maybe this will be a good Thanksgiving. Just us and the kids. You cook and I’ll watch football with my pants open all day."

- Ray Romano

"Tomorrow is Thanksgiving! It’s the day you forget about all the fighting and division in the world and just focus on all the fighting and division in your family."

- Jimmy Fallon

"Thanksgiving—when the people who are the most thankful are the ones who didn’t have to cook."

- Melanie White

"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for."

- Kin Hubbard

"Thanksgiving: when the people who are the most thankful are the ones who didn’t have to cook."

- Melanie White

"Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too much."

- Johnny Carson

"Thanksgiving, the day where there’s never enough food. You can’t just have a turkey. No, there has to be a roast beef or a ham too. Or both. It’s the only day we have mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes."

- Lewis Black

"Grateful for each hand we hold/Gathered round this table. From far and near we travel home, Blessed that we are able."

- Mary Chapin Carpenter

"The turkey. The sweet potatoes. The stuffing. The pumpkin pie. Is there anything else we all can agree so vehemently about? I don't think so."

- Nora Ephron

"A new survey found that 80 percent of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense, when you hear them consider saying ‘that smells good’ to be helping."

- Jimmy Fallon

"This one has gotten me into trouble in the past. But I’m sorry, I have to say this: Thanksgiving is too close to Christmas!"

- Seth Meyers

"Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts."

- Wayne Huizenga

"The capacity for friendship is God's way of apologizing for our families."

- Jay McInerney

"The average time for eating a Thanksgiving dinner is 12 minutes, which, incidentally, coincides with halftime."

- Erma Bombeck

"An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day."

- Irv Kupcinet

"It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without a little emotional scarring."

- Timothy Burke

"After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations."

- Oscar Wilde

"You can’t have Thanksgiving without turkey. That’s like the Fourth of July without apple pie or Friday with no two pizzas."

- Irv Kupcinet

"I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage."

- Erma Bombeck

"My cooking was so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor."

- Phyllis Diller

"I can’t cook a Thanksgiving dinner. All I can make is cold cereal, maybe toast."

- Charlie Brown

"I love you above all things—even pie."

- Christopher Moore

"It's not too much food. This is what we've been training for our whole lives. This is our destiny, this is our finest hour."

- Lorelai Gilmore

"There is no love sincerer than the love of food."

- George Bernard Shaw

"I think you have a moral responsibility when you've been given far more than you need, to do wise things with it and give intelligently."

- J.K. Rowling

"Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast."

- William Shakespeare

"So the pie isn't perfect? Cut it into wedges. Stay in control, and never panic."

- Martha Stewart

"I’m giving thanks that we don’t have to go through this for another year."

- Adele Larson

"I'm from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. And I'm thankful for that."

- Howie Mandel

"After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations."

- Oscar Wilde

"Thank you, the day after Thanksgiving, or as the makers of sweatpants call it, ‘the busy season.’"

- Jimmy Fallon

"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."

- George Burns

"The older you get, the more fragile you understand life to be. I think that's good motivation for getting out of bed joyfully each day."

- Julia Roberts

"I’m from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. And I’m thankful for that."

- Howie Mandel

"Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year."

- P.J. O'Rourke

"Do you know what I dream about when I dream about Thanksgiving, which is often? I dream about eating so much deliciousness that all the blood rushes to my stomach and I pass out at the table. Please don’t deny me that."

- Kevin James

"I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food."

- W.C. Fields

"Can I get an alcohol?"

- Nick Miller

"Do not ever let anyone ever make you feel like you don't matter, or like you don't have a place in our American story—because you do."

- Michelle Obama

"There's no place like home."

- Dorothy, The Wizard of Oz

"Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants."

- Will Arnett

"I suppose I will die never knowing what pumpkin pie tastes like when you have room for it."

- Robert Brault

"Cooking tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out."

- Nicole Hollander

"I’m sorry. Did you just say Canadian Thanksgiving was, and I’m quoting, ‘the real Thanksgiving’? What do Canadians even have to celebrate about?"

- Barney

"Thanksgiving Day is the one day that is purely American."

"Thanksgiving is a joyous invitation to shower the world with love and gratitude."

"Let us remember that, as much has been given us, much will be expected from us; and that true homage comes from the heart as well as from the lips and shows itself in deeds."

"Thanksgiving is a time of togetherness and gratitude."

"But we have to stay home. Thanksgiving's not Thanksgiving without Frugal Hoosier canned corn, Safeway boxed stuffing, and CVS pumpkin pie."

"As with all commandments, gratitude is a description of a successful mode of living. The thankful heart opens our eyes to a multitude of blessings that continually surround us."

"Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go baste the turkey and hide the kitchen knives."

"Here’s a tip: Don’t cook Thanksgiving dinner for five people in 14 hours. Here’s another tip: Don’t ask a guy out for a first date on the least sexy holiday in America."