Stephen Colbert

"Happy 4th of July! As you take this day to honor America, ask yourself, “Why am I not honoring America on the other 364 days? Shame on me."

- Stephen Colbert

"Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what’s going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along."

- Stephen Colbert

"It’s Fourth of July weekend, or as I call it, exploding Christmas."

- Stephen Colbert

"Today is the 4th of July, when we honor the day that Uncle Sam chopped down Benedict Arnold at the Alamo. Happy hot dogs!"

- Stephen Colbert

"Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what's going to happen next, and you are mostly just making things up as you go along."

- Stephen Colbert

""If we’d all stuck with our first dream, the world would be overrun with cowboys and princesses. So whatever your dream is right now, if you don’t achieve it you haven’t failed and you’re not some loser.""

- Stephen Colbert

"If we’d all stuck with our first dream, the world would be overrun with cowboys and princesses. So whatever your dream is right now, if you don’t achieve it you haven’t failed and you’re not some loser."

- Stephen Colbert

"You are about to start the greatest improvisation of all. With no script. No idea what’s going to happen, often with people and places you have never seen before. And you are not in control. So say ‘yes.’ And if you’re lucky, you’ll find people who will say ‘yes’ back."

- Stephen Colbert

"I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car."

- Stephen Colbert

"Happy Thanksgiving! This year I’m thankful that your family is so annoying you’re checking Twitter instead of talking to them."

- Stephen Colbert

"Folks, I don’t trust children. They’re here to replace us."

- Stephen Colbert

"My brother Billy was the joke teller. My brother Jim had a really sharp, cutting wit. And the teller of long stories, that was my brother Ed. As a child, I just absorbed everything they said, and I was always in competition for the laughs."

- Stephen Colbert

"You are about to start the greatest improvisation of all. With no script. No idea what's going to happen, often with people and places you have never seen before. And you are not in control. So say 'yes.' And if you're lucky, you'll find people who will say 'yes' back."

- Stephen Colbert

"It’s Fourth of July weekend, or, as I call it, Exploding Christmas."

- Stephen Colbert

"Life is an improvisation. You have no ideas what’s going to happen next and you are mostly making things up as you go along."

- Stephen Colbert

"They say the only people who tell the truth are drunkards and children. Guess which one I am."

- Stephen Colbert

"It’s a gift to exist, and with existence comes suffering. There’s no escaping that."

- Stephen Colbert