Dave Barry

""If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.’""

- Dave Barry

"If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'"

- Dave Barry

"Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro."

- Dave Barry

"You should not confuse your career with your life."

- Dave Barry

"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base."

- Dave Barry

"A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person."

- Dave Barry

"Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice."

- Dave Barry

"My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already."

- Dave Barry

""My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.""

- Dave Barry

"“Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.”"

- Dave Barry

"To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent."

- Dave Barry

"Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance."

- Dave Barry

"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once."

- Dave Barry

"Remember: What dad really wants is a nap. Really."

- Dave Barry

"The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida."

- Dave Barry

"I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing."

- Dave Barry

""The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.""

- Dave Barry

"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once."

- Dave Barry

"If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.’"

- Dave Barry