H. L. Mencken
In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.
The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.
A church is a place in which gentlemen who have never been to heaven brag about it to persons who will never get there.
A man always remembers his first love with special tenderness, but after that he begins to bunch them.
A national political campaign is better than the best circus ever heard of, with a mass baptism and a couple of hangings thrown in.